Kerry Washington as Olivia Pope in Scandal

Messy. Messy. Messy. Thursday night’s episode, Mama Said Knock You Out, was just one big, hot, messy lasagna. 

Right out of the gate, we see Olivia stressed to the gills doing her normal run-walk through the White House, trying to get an important live interview going. Frankly, I don’t know how she runs around so much without getting either a brain aneurysm or shin splints. She is truly an athletic miracle.

Queue Bébé’s kids (Karen and Jerry), coming from boarding school with enough attitude to literally snatch your eyelashes off. These kids are rich and they’re mad. In the meantime, Mellie and Andrew are getting hot and heavy, Charlie gets crazy possessive of Quinn, Mama and Papa Pope are actually monsters, and everyone’s throwing stones at glass houses.

So much happened Thursday night. Here’s a neat list of happenings to keep things tidy.

OPA is trying to find B613’s money supply. Everyone pretty much thinks this is a suicide mission. Judging from B613’s track record, it probably is.


Charlie thinks Quinn is creepin’ with Huck. Is this even a real relationship? If it is, is Quinn being abused or is she the abuser? Is Charlie even capable of loving a person? When is Quinn going to die? I have so many questions.

Olivia confronts Andrew about Mellie. And he responds with “Glass houses, Olivia.” Shots fired. If the campaign and White House weren’t such a total mess, Olivia’s romps with the president would’ve stripped her of all credibility by now.

Jerry has a secret anti-Fitz Twitter account. #ihatemydad #imrich #teamlangston

Papa Pope warns Olivia to stop digging into B613 but then helps her dig. First he tells her she’s tripping wires and literally sending carrier pigeons to B613 with her whereabouts, but after a short visit from Jake, he tells her B613’s money supply. Papa Pope really has no loyalties. Not even to his daughter. Giving her information is clearly a way to help himself later.


Adnan tricks OPA into getting her immunity then promptly steals their information. Tiny piece of advice for everyone over at OPA: Never. Trust. A. Terrorist.

Karen walks in on Mellie and Andrew.  This poor child is scarred for life. And the fact that she refers to Andrew as “uncle” is even creepier.

Fitz tells Mellie, “You broke us.” It’s really refreshing to see Fitz be genuine with Mellie and to watch them unpack the problems in their marriage. Fitz clearly still loves her and maybe never would’ve gone to Olivia if Mellie had opened up about Big Jerry.


Olivia realizes she really is “the help.” Mama Pope may be a terrorist, but she’s still Olivia’s mom. So when Maya tells her daughter she’s “the help,” Olivia knows there’s some truth to it. It’s crushing to see Olivia realize this over and over as she runs around trying to get Fitz and the kids ready for the most important interview of the campaign.

Jake is losing it. Being in command is really taking a toll on Jake. It’s clear he’s trying desperately to get his bearings. But no fear, he still manages to look stunning while going completely crazy. #jakestillcutetho

Cyrus tries to fight Jake. This was really sad. Cyrus knows who killed James, and he’ll never be able to bring him to justice. The tragic, sad irony of it all is that he’s had people killed by the same agency that killed his husband. Glass houses.


B613 agents really like to use their tongues. Does B613 make every agent take a creepy tongue-licking workshop? Because they all use their tongues in exactly the same gross way. I seriously still can’t tell if Huck is genuinely attracted to Quinn. If so, when did that start? It doesn’t matter either way, though, because Quinn gon die.

Charlie moves in with Quinn. And by move in, I mean he broke into her apartment, put his stuff in it, then surprised her with an awkward champagne toast that can only be described as terrifying. I guess this is what love is like for B613ers.

We finally see baby Ella. And she’s an adorably chubby little angel, a ray of light that will help Cyrus find his way out of the darkness.


Lord bless this mess. (Bows head, spills wine for James and all the fallen homies, sweeps up broken glass.)

Charla Lauriston is a standup comedian and the creator of Clench & Release, a Web series about the frustrations of everyday life in New York City. Follow her on Twitter.