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Rudy Giuliani: I Got All the Dirt on the Bidens! Lindsey Graham: That’s Crap

Illustration for article titled Rudy Giuliani: I Got All the Dirt on the Bidens! Lindsey Graham: That’s Crap
Photo: ANGELA WEISS (Getty Images)

Trump’s personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani, aka the real-life Saul Goodman, disappeared during Trump’s impeachment proceedings only to reappear in Ukraine earlier this month, which everyone called bizarre. And then we learned that he was there on official Giuliani business, which means that he was being smarmy AF and was openly trying to find dirt on Trump’s political rival Joe Biden and his son Hunter.


This, of course, came at the time when the president was literally fighting for his political life after everyone learned of an improper quid pro quo in which Trump held up congressionally-approved aid to Ukraine in exchange for an investigation of the Bidens.

From the Hill:

Trump and his allies have latched onto Hunter Biden’s connection to Ukraine, where he served on the board of an energy company, as the former vice president seeks the Democratic nomination to challenge Trump in 2020. There’s no indication Joe Biden was acting with his son’s interests in mind when he called for the ouster of a Ukrainian prosecutor accused of corruption, and the former vice president has denied any such motivations.


Then Giuliani came home and started bragging on all this shit he allegedly found. “Giuliani told the Washington Post that Trump has asked him to brief GOP senators and the Justice Department on his findings in Ukraine. A source told the Wall Street Journal that Giuliani told the president that his recent trip produced “more than you can imagine,” the Hill reports.

Well, now Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.), aka Trump’s personal heated lawn chair, is acting like his old self—and by old self, I mean a lobotomized version of his old self—by warning Rudy’s dumb ass that if he’s going to be out here suggesting a “cover-up” involving the Bidens and Ukraine “then I hope you know what you’re talking about.”

“I don’t know what Rudy’s got, but I’m going to send him a letter. If you’re going to go on national television and tell the country that you’ve found evidence of a cover-up, then I hope you know what you’re talking about,” Graham told reporters.

“I like Rudy a lot, but we’re going to have to watch what we say,” he added.

Then Graham made the unprecedented move of appearing and behaving like a real U.S. senator with an unbendable spine.


“Graham invited Giuliani to testify before the Senate Judiciary Committee over his concerns about corruption in Ukraine. He reiterated on Wednesday that Trump’s lawyer has an “open invitation” before the panel he chairs,” the Hill reports.

Wait...hol’ up...Giuliani almost got me. He almost had me believing that he was a bipartisan Republican willing to get the bottom of this impeachment stuff. And then I remembered that you can’t spell “cahoots” without “Lindsey.” This is another one of President Macaulay Culkin’s Home Alone-ass schemes to appear legit only to bring Giuliani in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee so he can make an ass out of the proceedings.


“If he comes, you gotta be willing to ask questions about your conduct. It’s just not good for the country to make these accusations on cable television without them being tested,” Graham added.

If Lindsey doesn’t shut his ass up. Ain’t none of us falling for the ole banana in the tailpipe.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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Manic Otti

“I like Rudy a lot, but we’re going to have to watch what we say,” he added.”

Why start now?