Bill Sailing, a pal of GOP Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore (NBC News screenshot)

You know that feeling when you have to say something nice about someone you personally know to be ain’t-shit? When you’re so hard-pressed to recognize any baseline decency about a fuccboi, you find yourself resorting to platitudes like “He’s got hair” and “I think she made the bed once”?

Well, that happened Monday night during a truly wild, final rally for Alabama Senate candidate Roy “I Love Slavery” Moore.

In this instance, it was Moore’s “friend” and fellow Vietnam War vet Bill Sailing who had to think of something, anything, that flexed Moore’s moral mores, and the one thing, the one exemplary story, he could think of was about that one time he and Moore went to a brothel and didn’t sleep with the child prostitutes.

From ThinkProgress:

Sailing told the story of a night he spent with Moore and a third man, who he did not name. According to Sailing, it was the third man’s last night in Vietnam and the man invited them to a “private club” in the city to celebrate with “a couple of beers.”

Moore and Sailing agreed. According to Sailing, they didn’t expect there was anything untoward going on at the “private club” because “there were legitimate private clubs” in Vietnam. The third man drove them to the club in his Jeep.

Sailing said that when he and Moore arrived, they soon realized the man had taken them to a brothel. The third man, Sailing suggested, essentially tricked them. “I could tell you what I saw but I don’t want to,” Sailing said mischievously.

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When Sailing dropped the line, the crowd laughed, because if you’re hanging at the function with Moore at this point, you’ve made it clear what you’re willing to tolerate.

And at this point, Sailing thought it was appropriate to describe for the crowd how attractive the sex workers were.

“There were certainly pretty girls. And they were girls. They were young. Some were very young,” Sailing said, adding that he didn’t know exactly how young because he and Moore “weren’t there long enough.” Mmm-hmmm.

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They weren’t there long enough because a supposedly shocked Moore told Sailing, “We shouldn’t be here, I’m leaving.” After asking the third man to leave with them (he refused), Sailing said, he and Moore left their friend there all night with the underage sex workers.

Let’s pause here to take stock of what is happening. The night before a crucial election, tasked with illustrating the moral character of his so-called friend, who has been accused of molesting underage girls, Sailing’s go-to story is about the time he and Moore accidentally hit up a brothel full of underage Vietnamese sex workers and had the moral rectitude to say, “Nah, fam”—but also left their grown-ass fellow soldier there?

Moore, who has compared himself to Jesus. Moore, who thinks slavery is pretty (make America) great. Moore, who seems to view underage white girls as perfect marriage material. His buddy Sailing would like you to know that Moore absolutely draws the line at Vietnamese child sex workers.

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Or, as The Root staff writer Michael Harriot said, maybe they were too old for him.

ThinkProgress reports that Sailing “viewed this story as a triumphant example of Moore’s sterling moral character.”

“He’s the same guy,” Sailing said, according to the report. “He’s honorable. He’s disciplined. Morally straight. Highly principled.”

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Read more at ThinkProgress.