Rockstar Games Is Just Will's Dad From Fresh Prince

Illustration for article titled Rockstar Games Is Just Will's Dad From Fresh Prince
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On Wednesday, GTA VI was trending on Twitter as a report from Kotaku’s Jason Schreier about the workplace culture at Rockstar revealed that the game was still in early development. Many took time to, humorously, express their dismay that the sequel to the 7-year-old Grand Theft Auto V was only just now heading into development.


While humored by the tweets, I was also a bit surprised. Y’all ain’t realized that Rockstar is just an absentee father in gaming form?

They finally show up to your birthday party when you’re like ten and they even manage to bring a gift. At first you’re elated, dad actually showed up to your birthday party and he even brought you a little something something! It’s only later you realize that that $50 Toys ‘r Us gift card was supposed to last you for five-ten years. Every once in a while you might get five, maybe ten bucks in the mail but that’s it.

While you’re expected to be satisfied with the occasional phone call and child support payment, you find out ol’ boy started a second family in the wild west with some white lady. Not only that, his second at bat further magnifies all his flaws and now he’s got even more people getting tired of his bullshit.

Now, is this not the cycle you’ve experienced with Grand Theft Auto and Red Dead Redemption 2? Since the release of GTA Online Rockstar has focused on milking that for all the money it’s worth, dropping just enough DLCs to keep you thinking they really care for you.


I just miss when Rockstar was there for me—back when they showed up with games like Bully, The Warriors, Max Payne 3. Y’all remember when they came through with Midnight Club 3: DUB Edition?

I do.  

Now they just do the bare minimum, releasing a Red Dead or GTA every decade and thinking that’s enough. The last decade has seen Rockstar basically become this man:

I guess it’s better than my other dad Square-Enix. I graduated from middle school, high school and college before he finally showed up with Kingdom Hearts III.

The stylin', profilin', limousine riding, jet flying, wheelin' and dealin' nerd of The Root.


Not watching that clip because it makes me cry everytime.