VH1 screenshot

A woman cast on a canceled VH1 reality series is suing her sorority because she claims they kicked her to the curb for the tiny, petty little reason that she was capitalizing off the sorority’s name while simultaneously acting like an inebriated feral Chihuahua on national television.

The headline of this story initially read, “Former Reality Star Sues ... ” But then I thought about it: Why is every motherfucker who appears on a reality show automatically a “star”? When the staff at The Root are engaged in long discussions about “the Real Love & Hip Hop Wives of Atlanta, I have no idea who they’re talking about. I know Joe Budden, Remy Ma, Cardi B and that’s it. I don’t even quibble with porn actors being called “stars” because at least they’re doing something people actually watch! So until she releases a sex tape or an album called “Bodak Crimson and Cream,” her title is “person who was on a reality show.”

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But apparently there’s a woman named Priyanka Banks who was on a VH1 show called Sorority Sisters. The show was yanked off the air halfway through the first commercial break because black fraternity and sorority members objected to Mona Scott-Young’s vampirish habit of sucking the respect out of anything and then forcing the ratchet undead corpses to fight a “reunion show” just to get a few ratings.

Banks calls herself a “reality star,” but I once had floor tickets to a Charlotte Hornets preseason game when my Tic Tacs dropped onto the court during a timeout and I had to walk halfway to center court to retrieve them. Priyanka Banks is a reality star like I’m an NBA All-Star.

Anyway, Courthouse News obtained a copy of a federal lawsuit filed by Banks (pdf) in the Eastern District of New York. The suit accuses the sorority of defamation, breach of fiduciary duty infliction of emotional distress and some other bullshit you’d have to read to believe.

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It’s almost like Banks looked on Wikipedia for some legal terms and wrote the lawsuit herself. However, I fed the lawsuit into The Root’s Bullshit-a-Tron 2.0, and it was able to translate the lawsuit into nontechnical terms.

Basically, the lawsuit states that the reality-show cast member, Banks, pledged Delta at Alabama State University in 2009 and paid her dues every year. When she was hired to film Sorority Sisters in 2014, people started “cyberbullying” her about it even though they had never seen the show. To make it worse, Delta Sigma Theta didn’t stop its members from harassing her online, making the sorority complicit in the social media “lynch mob” mentality.

Y’all, this is actually in the lawsuit (I’m paraphrasing here, but not by much).

Sure, there was some cussing and acting ratchet on the show, but people cussed and acted ratchet when they came at Banks on Facebook, so who’s wrong? And how come they suspended Banks, and not the other Deltas on the show? And they told her to kick rocks on Founders Day, no less! Furthermore, DST didn’t even tell Banks before they suspended her, according to the lawsuit. They just posted it online for the whole world to see!

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Banks wants a jury trial and demands compensation for her medical fees and the mental anguish and post-traumatic depression she suffered because she couldn’t wear her jacket and say, “Oooo-oop!” She’s gonna take this to the Supreme Court if she has to! (OK, I may have made that last sentence up. Maybe I’m having too much fun.)

As a member of Omega Psi Phi, I know how Banks feels because I, too, have been kicked to the curb. Remember when I dropped my Tic Tacs at that Hornets game? When I tried to pick up my candy and scurry back to my seat, a young point guard for the Hornets looked at me and said, “Man, what is you doing?” Then he picked up my Tic Tacs and threw them to the other side of the court!

My frat brothers laughed so hard, and now, whenever one of us does something stupid, to this day, they will say, “Man, what is you doing?” I still hurt inside from that incident. I wonder whatever happened to that guy. I think his name was Chris Paul.

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If I ever find him, I’m gonna sue his ass.

I wonder if Banks will send me the link to that Wikipedia page.