When I found out that the leader of the Proud Boys was a person of color, my initial thought was, “Man, you know that dude is an opp.” I knew some haters would say that I was just making excuses for why a non-white person would be involved with a group that reportedly has ties to white nationalism while other haters would say I was in denial of the possibility that the Proud Boys weren’t actually racist at all. Well, it turns out that I’m just a remarkably good judge of character—because Enrique Tarrio was totally an opp.
The Washington Post reports that following a 2012 fraud case in which he pleaded guilty to helping sell stolen goods, Tarrio became an informant for the FBI and local law enforcement in South Florida. In fact, Snitchy McSnitcherton from Snitchville, TellonYou-opolis, has been spoken highly of by officials who appreciated the fact that he was basically an Afro-Cuban Randall from Recess. (Randall was the schoolyard tattle-tale for you heathens who didn’t watch cartoons in the ’90s.)
From the Post:
At a 2014 hearing in his case, then-prosecutor Vanessa Johannes described Tarrio as “probably the most cooperative from day one. From day one, he was the one who wanted to talk to law enforcement, wanted to clear his name, wanted to straighten this out so that he could move on with his life.”
The prosecutor told the court that Tarrio’s cooperation helped federal agents prosecute 13 others, and aided local police with a number of undercover drug investigations.
Jeffrey Feiler, Tarrio’s defense attorney at the time, said that Tarrio’s broad cooperation allowed law enforcement to successfully raid multiple marijuana grow houses and seize 100 pounds of the drug. He said Tarrio also “worked in an undercover capacity in a case involving information pertaining to an illegal immigrant smuggling ring and, again at his own risk, in an undercover role met and negotiated to pay $11,000 to members of that ring to bring in fictitious family members of his from another country.” The prosecutor, though, said nothing came of that case.
Feiler said that in addition to the cooperation Tarrio provided that produced indictments or other tangible results, Tarrio also made 10 attempts that did not ultimately work, sometimes because the local police department involved just did not have the manpower. Those cases involved steroids, cocaine, ecstasy, and credit card theft, Feiler said.
Yoooooo, this nigga Tarrio was a walking snitch-a-thon! He was a one-stop-shop informer to a cop (bars). He was a wholesale snitch. Anybody can get told on. You selling weed? He’ll tell yo’ momma. Bootleg DVDs? He got whoever handles copyright infringement on speed dial. In biblical times he would’ve been on the phone with the Romans talking about: “Jesus over here turning water into wine, y’all. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a permit for that.”
Anyway, according to the Post, all of that “Ooooh, I’ma tell” energy earned Tarrio an 18-month reduction on his 30-month sentence.
The Proud Boy doesn’t appear to be very proud of being a Great Value version of Bubbles from The Wire, though. When Reuters asked him Tuesday about his career at Rat-Depot, Tarrio said, “I don’t know any of this.” When asked about court transcripts that prove he was an informant—also known as receipts, you snitch-ass bitch—Tarrio said again that “I don’t recall any of this.”
Nah, bruh, you ain’t do all of that quality CI work and then suddenly catch a rare case of stool-pigeon amnesia—you’re just afraid your people are going to be checking you for a wire at the next wish-we-were-Klan meeting.
Anyway, I was right about the guy, and now I’m just wondering if even MAGA snitches get stitches.