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President Trump Is Putin’s Drug Holder and Other Things We Learned From Trump’s Taxes

Illustration for article titled President Trump Is Putin’s Drug Holder and Other Things We Learned From Trump’s Taxes
Photo: MANDEL NGAN (Getty Images)

Whenever a rapper or an NBA player travels, they need a person who is willing to carry the drugs. That person is usually a friend who has nothing more going on in life than being the one who is willing to take the charge so that the “money” doesn’t get arrested. It’s a job; and while it might not be a glamorous one, it allows the drug handler to kick it with stars by proxy while he may or may not have a quarter-ounce of the finest “Peruvian taco meat” tucked firmly in his ass crack.

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The President of the United States got his spray-tanned ass exposed over the weekend when the New York Times dropped a Funk Flex bomb putting all of the president’s underwear on the laundry line with their all-caps investigative exposé: “LONG-CONCEALED RECORDS SHOW TRUMP’S CHRONIC LOSSES AND YEARS OF TAX AVOIDANCE,” proving beyond a shadow of any doubt that the President of tax avoidance is the scrub that TLC warned us about. He’s literally hanging out of the passenger side of Vladimir Putin’s ride trying to holla.

Not only did the report—which, if you’ve not read it, please do yourself a favor and read it—show that President Trump is in massive debt, but this nigga has been avoiding his taxes like Neo avoids bullets.

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According to the report, Trump has found all kinds of ways to bend his finances to make it so he’s paid literally nothing in taxes for 10 out of 15 years by citing massive losses.

Then, get this shit: When he did pay taxes, he paid as little as $750. This president is literally out here cashing checks at the liquor store and putting Girbauds on layaway at Marshalls. And, when he wasn’t out here claiming major losses, he was inflating the fuck out of line items, like claiming he paid $70,000 in one year for hair care. I don’t know about y’all but I can’t remember the year when the president wore nothing but Senegalese twists and microbraids because I know that little tuft of tinted billygoat’s gruff on his scalp ain’t costing no damn $70,000.

Oh, and when the president wasn’t out here lying on his losses, he was hyping his tax returns to get a fucking $73 million tax refund (the liquor store was going to cash this check, but he didn’t have another form of ID and an eyeball of his closest relative.)

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The president is not only a scrub who can’t get no love from American banks but somehow—and this might be the whitest part of this entire scandal—with the president claiming massive losses he was still able to get more money on credit.

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Somebody come get your boy before he gets Putin suspended from the league as he’s currently in Miami hopping out of a rented Spyder and walking into Prime 112.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

theresnocheekslikemocheeks
TheresNoCheeksLikeMoCheeks

Saw this on twitter. Really puts this dude’s whole image in to context.

Trump has 5 kids from 3 baby mamas, is trying to duck the law constantly, and lives in government housing.

He is what Regan warned us about lol