Let our next greatest achievement be realizing the dream of full equality for all of us ...

- Human Rights Campaign President, Alphonso David, as reported by Maiysha Kai -

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President Trump and Jeff Sessions Continue Their Reality Show Reunion Brawl on Twitter

Illustration for article titled President Trump and Jeff Sessions Continue Their Reality Show Reunion Brawl on Twitter
Photo: Spencer Platt (Getty Images)

This week’s version of The Real Husbands of the White House aired a very special episode when the public break up between Nicki Minaj and Safaree President Trump and Attorney General Jeff Sessions continued on social media.

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On Thursday, the president of people who find pleasure in watching monster trucks smash regular cars made an appearance on his personal YouTube channel, Fox News, and boasted that he didn’t know what kind of man Jeff Sessions was. Seemingly out of nowhere, Sessions, who has spent the majority of his time in the formal position as Trump’s whipping boy, grew a spine and decided to strike back at the president. The wombat Attorney General issued a statement noting that he and the Department of Justice would not be “improperly influenced by political considerations.”

“While I am Attorney General, the actions of the Department of Justice will not be improperly influenced by political considerations,” Sessions statement read, adding: “I took control of the Department of Justice the day I was sworn in, which is why we have had unprecedented success at effectuating the President’s agenda,” according to CNN.

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Well you know President LittleFingers von WhipHands couldn’t wait to get back to publicly berating the most racist elf to ever graduate from the HEC, Middle Earth Community College (a historically elvin college or university).

It’s important to note that in order to understand the president’s tweets we have to break some of this language down.

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First, we know that this is an official tweet from the president because of the random use of capitalization.

Second, whenever Trump says, “everyone,” “many people,” “so many people,” etc., he’s only talking about himself and his base. Never forget that Trump is the president of people who believe that reports from Fox News are the same as when God handed the Ten Commandments to Moses.

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Third, Trump has done a brilliant job of convincing his minions that he’s the over policed minority who’s being unfairly treated since taking office. To hear Trump tell it, the white man is the most abused, terrorized, threatened, endangered species in America.

Last, Trump will always, always, always, without fail, do what children have been doing since the dawn of man when they’re being chastised about bad behavior: They point to other classmates and wonder why the teacher isn’t saying anything to them?!

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With this understanding, Trump continued:

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Reality Winner, “a former government contractor, was sentenced Thursday to more than five years in prison for leaking a classified NSA memo about a 2016 Russian cyberattack to the media,” CNN reports.

Trump considers this small potatoes. Meanwhile, he’s thinking about pardoning former campaign chairman Paul Manafort who did all kinds of shady shit to keep growing his buttery leather motorcycle jacket collection. Even worse, the motherfucker didn’t even have a motorcycle!

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At this point, I’d bet dollars to donuts that Trump gets rid of Sessions. The Twitter supremacist is mad because he believes that the job of the Attorney General is to work as his personal attorney and fixer. What Trump is learning is that Sessions, while a deplorable, is unwillingly to continuously work in favor of the president. And we all know that the president doesn’t do well with being told no.

Most babies don’t.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

At this point, I’d bet dollars to donuts that Trump gets rid of Sessions.

The president doesn’t have the stones to fire anyone. He’s too desperately needy. He passive-aggressives them into quitting, always. And Sessions has been aiming for this seat, this position, and this power his entire life. He is not going to quit. Ever.

In the first six months it looked like Sessions might have thought about resigning, but after all this time he knows exactly what he’s dealing with when it comes to this president, and I’m of the mind he does not give a single shit about anything the president says any more. Even when he responded to *45's broadsides here, he focused on his office, not the idiot yapping at him.

Session is going to cling to the AG seat for as long as he can, and if Two Scoops—against all odds—fires him, well. He recused himself for a reason. Bet Mueller’d like to know what that reason is. Bet Sessions’d tell him, too.