President Biden and first lady Jill Biden have two dogs, Champ and Major.
Both dogs are stuck in their ways and prefer the life they had before Biden became president. While I don’t speak dog, I believe that both Champ and Major both voted against the COVID-19 relief bill and supported the insurrection on the Capitol.
How do I know this? Well, Major, who was adopted by the Bidens in November 2018 from an animal shelter in Delaware, has had a difficult time with a Democrat in the White House and reportedly got into what can only be described as a “biting incident” with a member of White House security.
The exact condition of the victim is unknown, however, the episode was serious enough that the dogs were subsequently moved to Wilmington, Delaware, where they remain.
CNN reached out to the White House for comment and did not immediately receive a reply.
Major, who is 3 years old, is the younger of the two Biden dogs, and has been known to display agitated behavior on multiple occasions, including jumping, barking, and “charging” at staff and security, according to the people CNN spoke with about the dog’s demeanor at the White House. The older of Biden’s German Shepherds, Champ, is approximately 13 and has slowed down physically due to his advanced age.
So basically the younger dog talks a bunch of shit but doesn’t really do anything, and the older dog is stuck in his ways and doesn’t want to get rid of the filibuster. Yep, they are Republicans.
CNN notes that Bidens got Major to keep Champ company. As such, the two dogs like to remain together much like Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz and his adopted son, who Gaetz didn’t adopt and who has a father that is very much alive, Nestor.
He adopted Major in part as a companion for Champ, to keep the older dog busy and active.
“We got Major, he’s a rescue dog. We asked the vet, ‘What can we do to keep Champ going?’ and he said, ‘Get him a young dog.’ They’re buddies,” Biden told the media on Valentine’s Day while walking the two German Shepherds.
Champ and Major moved into the White House in January, shortly after Biden’s inauguration.
“I’ve been getting obsessed with getting our dogs settled because we have an old dog and we have a very young dog,” Jill Biden told Kelly Clarkson on The Kelly Clarkson Show last month. “They have to take the elevator, they’re not used to that, and they have to go out on the South Lawn with lots of people watching them. So that’s what I’ve been obsessed with, getting everybody settled and calm.”
Remember when Joe Biden was hobbled in November after suffering a foot injury and forced to wear a corrective boot? Turns out that was the result of Republican operative Major.
“What happened was I got out of the shower. I got a dog and anybody who’s been around my house knows — dropped, little pup dropped a ball in front of me, and for me to grab the ball,” Biden explained. “And I’m walking through this little alleyway to get to the bedroom, and I grabbed the ball like this and he ran. And I’m joking, running after him and grab his tail. And what happened was that he slid on a throw rug, and I tripped on the rug he slid on,” Biden said. “Oh man, not a very exciting story.”
But an effective one if you’re a Republican.
So the dogs have been banned from the White House, or at least have been relocated until they can learn how to play nice with others or at least agree that the insurrection on the Capitol was a threat against democracy.
Correction: 3/9/2021 3:21 p.m. ET: An earlier version of this story misidentified the congressman who has an adopted son named Nestor. The story should’ve stated that Florida Rep. Matt Gaetz is Nestor’s fake adoptive father. I apologize as I get my assholes confused. The story has been updated.