Postmaster General Louis DeJoy, aka Louis DaFuckboi, claimed that there is nothing to worry about during the Senate Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee hearing on Friday. Sure, mail-sorting machines have been removed, including in places where there were only two machines to begin with, and yes, some public mailboxes have been removed, and yes, some older folks haven’t been able to receive important life-saving medication on time, but everything is just fine.
In fact, Louis DeTrump’s3rdTesticle ensured the committee that mail-in ballots are his “No. 1 priority.”
“As we head in the election season, I want to assure this committee and the American public that the Postal Service is fully capable and committed to delivering the nation’s election mail securely and on time,” DeGetTheFuckOutofHereWitThatBullshit said, the Hill notes.
“This sacred duty is my No. 1 priority between now and Election Day.”
The Hill notes that “In longer prepared remarks, DeJoy described recent concerns that new reforms to the Postal Service could delay or impede the delivery of ballots as a ‘false narrative’ but vowed to not implement two major reforms until after Election Day in order to uphold the Postal Service’s “valued reputation as a source of reliability and strength for the American people.”
“While the governors and I believe significant reforms are essential ... even longstanding efficiency efforts have become a distraction from our mission of service to the public as the nation prepares to hold a presidential election in the midst of a devastating pandemic,” DeFuckFace read in his prepared statement.
But when asked flatly if he had any intention on bringing back mail sorting machines which postal workers have leaked are essential for doing their jobs, the postmaster general who couldn’t tell you the expiration date on a forever stamp flatly said, “No.”
Since taking over the job–which he’s grossly underqualified for, but he did sleep at a Holiday Day Inn Express last night–DeFuckThisGuy, who is also a Trump campaign donor, said the changes he made were needed to keep the agency functioning as it’s expected to face an $11 billion loss for fiscal 2020.
DeBubbleGuts told Congress he needs funding for the Postal Service, which, much like the rest of America, has been struggling with the aftermath of the coronavirus, the Draya Michelle of airborne viruses.
“I urge Congress to enact legislation that would provide the Postal Service with financial relief to account for the impacts of the COVID-19 pandemic on our financial condition,” DeI’mFuckingUpThisElection said.
What DeLilLindseyGraham doesn’t seem to understand is that Democrats would like to fund the Postal Service but Trump is against this. So the postmaster general, who has never worked for the post office, might want to talk to his president about this. But that would imply that he doesn’t already know this; trust me, DeTrumpAndMeAreInThisTogether knows this.
“Your decisions have cost Americans their health, their livelihood, and their peace of mind,” Sen. Gary Peters (D-Mich.), the ranking member of the committee, told DeMailboxThief. “I believe you owe them an apology for the harm you have caused, and you owe all of us some very clear answers today.”
The Hill notes that DePresident’sBae “is set to testify before the House Oversight and Reform Committee early next week on similar concerns around the Postal Service and election mail.”
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