Pool Patrol Paula Pleads Guilty

Stephanie Sebby-Stremple
Photo: Dorchester County Jail

The tartarsaucian who became known across the internet as “Pool Patrol Paula” has pleaded guilty to assault and battery on a black teenager whom she attacked for swimming in the same water as good, law-abiding white people.

The Associated Press reports that Stephanie Sebby-Strempel was ordered to pay a $1,000 fine after her lawyer entered a guilty plea for the June attack on a 15-year-old when she bravely defended the border of her Reminisce neighborhood pool in Summerville, S.C., against what she regarded as an attack by teenage mutant negro humans.

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Schlubby-Simple later attacked the officers who came to arrest her, biting one officer, potentially turning the policeman into a vampire. Luckily, the officer tested negative for salmonella mayonnaise poisoning. After video of the incident went viral, the SS officer lost her day job at a skin care company.

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The 38-year-old pled guilty to third-degree assault and battery, which is a misdemeanor, The State reports. The two counts of assaulting a police officer while resisting arrest were dismissed, according to Stumpy-Sinful’s lawyer.

In spite of Stinky-Sentry’s absence, the Reminisce neighborhood pool has gone 8,028 days without a roving negro gang murder.

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About the author

Michael Harriot

World-renowned wypipologist. Getter and doer of "it." Never reneged, never will. Last real negus alive.