Politics
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Elizabeth Warren Announces Presidential Bid and Chooses a Black Woman as Her Chief of Staff
Sen. Elizabeth Warren has moved closer to ending the months of courting and put a ring on it after she was spotted walking into Jared to make it official with America. Elizabeth Warren is running for president in 2020. Well, she announced that she’s forming an exploratory committee to run for the White House, which…
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An Exclusive Interview With Michael Cohen’s Cellphone Who Apparently Went to Prague Without Him
Michael Cohen’s cellphone was tired of the lies, the games and the stories of how they’d travel once he got a better job, saved some more money or worked less hours. So she took matters into her own hands and decided on her own that she was going to Prague. “Fuck, him!” Gloria, Cohen’s cellphone…
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Does Robert Mueller Have a Photo of Trump's 'Junk'?
On Thursday a Russian company told a federal court that buried in the mountain of evidence collected by special counselor Robert Mueller for his investigation into Russian collusion during the 2016 presidential election, there is a naked selfie. Please, for the love of god let this not be a photo of President Mushroom Cap. No…
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Trump Rage Tweets That He’ll ‘Close The Southern Border Entirely’ If He Doesn’t Get Money For His Wall
The wifi signal in the presidential dungeon was at full strength Friday morning as the president woke from his slumber, slaughtered a baby goat, gulped down a warm cup of baby goat blood (it really gets the hate juices flowing) and still had time to rage tweet that he’s going to shut down the entire…
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Donald Trump’s Attorney Rudy Giuliani Accuses Special Counsel Robert Mueller of Destroying Evidence
“President” Donald Trump and those around him know that the Mueller investigation is swiftly closing in on him. As those who were formerly associated with him go down in flames as a result of the investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election, more evidence seems to drop that points to the given conclusion:…
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Trump Bragged to Troops About a 10 Percent Pay Raise He Never Gave Them
After being shamed into visiting the troops around Christmastime, President Artie Lange’s Coke Nose boasted to American troops in Iraq about the 10 percent pay raise he fought for to make sure soldiers were taken care of because had it not been for a doctor writing a bogus bill of health to keep him out…
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The Shutdown Could End Tomorrow But Dealing With Trump Is Like Negotiating With a Criminal
Before taking office, President Donald Trump shouted from the rafters about his ability to get deals done. He truly sold white America on his business acumen and ability to seal the deal. Now we all realize that his business methods are equivalent to a goon holding a debtor’s kids in a seedy basement until he…
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Claire McCaskill Hates on Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez From Outside Congress Because She Can’t Even Get In
In a move that definitely does not make her an abject motherfucking hater, now-former Sen. Claire McCaskill has shared that she’s “confused” about Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez being “the thing.” According to CNN, in a thinly veiled attempt to give Ocasio-Cortez “advice” during an exit interview—a classic inroad to being a shady asshole—McCaskill (D-Mo.) stated that…
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Donald Trump Tells the Grinch to Hold His Beer: National Christmas Tree Unlit Due to Government Shutdown
The national Christmas tree in Washington, D.C., stood lightless and listless on Christmas Day, a casualty of the partial government shutdown, sending sectors of the country into a whirlwind of delays, stoppages and emergency adjustments to holiday plans. According to the Associated Press, several national parks had closed as a result of the government shutdown…