Politics
-
Betsy DeVos Thinks Teachers Should Carry Guns Even Though She Has No Idea What That Means
Because the entire Trump administration is really just one big unending Steven Seagal movie, Education Secretary Betsy DeVos has given a slow Birdman hand rub to teachers being armed despite opposition from people who are actually knowledgeable about two things that DeVos seemingly knows nothing about: educating students, and guns. Let’s be clear, Trump threw…
-
First Step Is One of the Biggest Criminal Justice Reforms in Decades. But How Great Will Its Effect Be?
On Tuesday night, a Republican-dominated Senate passed First Step, paving the way for the criminal justice reform bill to clear the House and be signed into law by Donald Trump. The bipartisan bill, which was overwhelmingly passed in an 87-12 vote, is widely considered to the most substantial legislation affecting the federal prison system in…
-
Michigan Mayor Claims Recording of Him Using F-Word is Fake… Again
After an audio recording surfaced of a Michigan city’s mayor using a derogatory term for homosexuals, the official has denied that the voice on the recording is his, failing to explain why tapes keep popping up of him using racist and homophobic slurs. Jim Fouts, mayor of Warren, Mi., and survivor of two zombie apocalypses,…
-
Something Mysterious Is Happening With Michael Cohen But No One Knows Because It's Locked in a Vault
Where is Geraldo Rivera when you need him to get to the bottom of some secret vault shit?! On Wednesday, someone filed a document with something about a criminal case involving President Trump’s former lawyer and forever duffel bag carrier, Michael Cohen. And no one knows who filed it or what it says because it’s…
-
The Strange Story of Trump's Sham Foundation and a Signed Tim Tebow Helmet, Explained
President Trump is closing his personal money-laundering operation charity that used donations as if they were the president’s personal money while doing little if anything to actually help anyone other than the president. What’s baffling is that in 2016, shortly before Russia would hand Big Kompromat the election, Trump claimed that he was going to…
-
Rudy Giuliani Claimed Trump Tower Moscow Wasn't a Thing. Then CNN Showed Up With Receipts
The president’s lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, is having a full-on showdown with the bizarro emperor of America to see who’s better at lying to the American public about everything. The funny thing is, both of them use the same deranged method of acting like everything is nothing. At this point, if both Trump and Giuliani were…
-
Advertisers Are Leaving Tucker Carlson After Finally Realizing He Is Who He's Always Been
Fox News’ Tucker Carlson just proved that even a Fox News host can never go full racist, unless he’s Sean Hannity. Advertisers are reportedly dropping from Carlson’s primetime program Tucker Carlson Tonight after he claimed on his show, on Thursday, that immigrants make America “poorer and dirtier and more divided.” According to The Hollywood Reporter,…
-
The Devil's Mouthpiece Says Trump Will Find Other Ways to Fund His Dumb Wall and We Have Some Ideas
President Trump doesn’t run the White House. He doesn’t run the Waffle House, Run’s House, the House of Pancakes or any house. And as such, once the president got home with the GOP lagging behind him, he calmly suggested—the way that suggestions sounds like a mom telling you to change out of your shorts and…
-
Your President Is a Dullard Who Confuses Homophones
As a self-professed word nerd, one of my biggest pet peeves is confused homophones. There’s nothing like seeing a great meme on Facebook or Twitter and being unwilling to share it because the person put “there” when they meant “their” or “your” when they meant “you’re” or “hear” when they meant “here” or some such…
-
Stephen Miller Should've Gone to a Black Barber, Instead He Sprayed-Painted His Scalp With White Man Bigen
Sunday was Stephen Miller’s big day. The White House decided to trot out President Trump’s senior policy adviser to speak on… who cares WTF he was there to speak on because no one could pay attention because Stephen Miller went on national TV in front of God and errbody sporting a white man bigen blackout.…