Politics
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Trump Wants Biden to Take Drug Test Before First Debate
I don’t think we ever discussed the similarities between President Trump and boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr. Both men are at the top of their game: one a pugilist and the other a racist. Both men have trouble reading big words. Both men have more money than me, and both men have requested that their opponents…
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Day 3 of the How to Make White Friends and Ignore Black Death Conference, aka the Republican National Convention
The Republican National Convention dragged on into day three and pulled America into an alternate universe in which Chick-fil-A is open on Sunday, some 177,000 people have not died from COVID-19 and the world didn’t watch an unarmed Black man get shot seven times at point-blank range in front of his children. That can be…
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How This Week's March on Washington Has Adjusted Its Political and Social Justice Goals to the Coronavirus
On Friday, activists from across the country will commemorate the anniversary of the 1963 March on Washington with another demonstration in the nation’s capital, this time centering the victims of state-enabled violence. With police brutality and racial justice issues commanding an unprecedented amount of political and social energy—and with greater support for criminal justice reform…
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Politicos Want Biden Out of the Basement. Stay Your Ass Right There, Joe
Apparently some Democrats and Republicans have been making fun of Democratic presidential Joe Biden’s respect for the Chevy Tahoe of airborne diseases, COVID-19. There is a movement of folks who believe that with the election less than three months away, Biden should be traveling around the country and social distancing while air-kissing babies. “I think…
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When a Black Man Yearns to be the Worst White Man
I’m reminded this afternoon, when rewatching Kentucky Attorney General Daniel Cameron’s goofy speech at the Republican National Convention, of Pinocchio. And of Icarus. And of Antonio Salieri. And of Tom Ripley. And of the Chrysler 300. And of so many other people and places and things—fictional and as real as tree bark—that have pined to…
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Satan’s Starting 5 Took the Stage for Day 2 of the Republican National Convention
Day 2 of Satan’s pep rally couldn’t even get started before it was bogged down in controversy. Turns out that one of President Trump’s supporters who was set to speak at racism’s national teleconference, commonly called the Republican National Convention, was axed from the starting lineup on Tuesday after she retweeted some anti-Semitic bullshit with…
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Was Donald Trump Jr. on Cocaine? And Other Questions From the First Day of the Republican National Convention
On Monday, Satan had his first Zoom call and the results were a baffling mess of mayonnaise-slathered fuckshit. Day one of the Republican National Convention was basically an all-you-can-eat buffet of clusterfuckness. I don’t even know where to begin. Let’s just start with cocaine, shall we? I’m no doctor, but I play one for The…
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Trump Might Not Know New York Attorney General Letitia James, But He’s Gonna Learn Tuhday
I keep trying to tell y’all this, and I feel like this is not getting to the people in the back, but New York Attorney General Letitia James did not come here to play with you and your little friends. She, of the James family, which includes such luminaries as: LeBron, Jesse, King, Etta, Rick,…
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Kellyanne Conway Is Leaving Trump Administration to Keep Daughter From Posting Family Business on Social Media
Look, The Root uses the same cutoff marker that amusement park rides use to determine who can get on this ride. We don’t fuck with kids unless they are Matt Gaetz’s adopted, but not really adopted, man-boy or Trump’s kids not named Barron. So we won’t be talking about Kellyanne and George Conway’s teenage daughter…
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Day 1 of Satan’s Workshop, aka the Republican National Convention: It’s All About the Trumps
I never thought this day would come. No, seriously, I just figured Trump would be so confident in Russia’s ability to steal a second election that he wouldn’t even bother with a convention, and yet, here we are. Satan’s workshop starts Monday, and there are so many things that must be addressed, but first I…