Pittsburgh-Area Fire Chief Resigns After Calling Mike Tomlin the N-Word on Facebook, Blames His Racism on … the Media?

If reincarnation is real, I hope that I come back as a cheetah or a jaguar or some other fast and sexy jungle cat after I die. I already enjoy yawning, taking long naps and watching Animal Planet, so I imagine the transition wouldnโ€™t be too stark. Suggested Reading Three Friends Were Headed To A…

If reincarnation is real, I hope that I come back as a cheetah or a jaguar or some other fast and sexy jungle cat after I die. I already enjoy yawning, taking long naps and watching Animal Planet, so I imagine the transition wouldnโ€™t be too stark.

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Trump’s Tariffs Might Stick Around. What Should We Buy Now?
Trump’s Tariffs Might Stick Around. What Should We Buy Now?

If I cannot be one of those things, though, my second choice might be to be a mediocre white man, just so that I finally know how it feels to never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever take responsibility for anything bad that happens to me.

Itโ€™s too late to come back as Paul Smith, former chief of the Muse Township Volunteer Fire Department in Cecil, Pa. (which is in Washington Countyโ€”approximately 45 minutes south of Pittsburgh), since heโ€™s already alive and shit. But he would have been a perfect host!

Smith made national news this week after posting on Facebook that Mike Tomlin โ€œjust added himself to the list of no good niggersโ€โ€”a reaction to Tomlinโ€™s decision to keep the Steelers in the tunnel during the national anthem before their game against the Bears. And just in case he was unclearโ€”or perhaps was temporarily compromised by an arbitrarily racist ghostโ€”Smith followed that statement with another sentence: โ€œYes I said it.โ€

Smith eventually resigned yesterday. And in a statement to the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, he blamed his predicament on the media for dragging his โ€œfire company and township into this as well as my family.โ€ Which is like blaming the security camera after youโ€™re caught shoplifting.

He redeemed himself later in his statement. And by โ€œhe redeemed himself later in his statement,โ€ I mean, โ€œHOLY FUCKING SHIT, THIS GUY WAS IN CHARGE OF FIGHTING FUCKING FIRES???โ€

โ€œI regret what I said deeply and I am not the racist the media portrays me as,โ€ Smith said.

In a 10-word-long span, he managed to double down on the media-bogeyman thing while also making clear that while he is a racist, heโ€™s not the grade of racist heโ€™s been accused of being. Heโ€™s a little racist, sure. He watches Americaโ€™s Got Talent and refers to Tyra Banks as โ€œdarkie tits.โ€ And sometimes, when heโ€™s grilling, he stacks the charcoal cubes in a cross instead of a pile. He basically has the racism sniffles. Nothing that a little Airborne wouldnโ€™t fix.

But heโ€™s not, like,ย racist racist. That would be uncivilized.

Straight From The Root

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