Oops Upside Your Head: 65-Year-Old Woman (and Her Bat) Give Burglar the Business

Illustration for article titled Oops Upside Your Head: 65-Year-Old Woman (and Her Bat) Give Burglar the Business
Screenshot: WGFL

Clarese Gainey of Gainesville, Fla., is about that action.

Most 65-year-old women (and men) would hide in the closet and call the police if they caught someone trying to break into their car, but ohhh not Clarese. You know what she did?


“I grab my bat, I brace myself, and I ease the door open,” Gainey told WGFL while demonstrating her Ken Griffey Jr.-esque batting stance. “I took that bat and hit him upside the head, like ‘pi-yah!’”

She sent the 5-foot-6, 300-pound, would-be car thief—who was wearing nothing but his drawers—running for his life into a nearby mobile park.

“I wore him out,” she added. “I said, ‘God dammit, get away from here.’”

After he was apprehended by police, Gainey was asked to identify him—which was pretty easy to do.

“I said, ‘That’s him right there!’” the high school softball player said. “They said ‘Ms. Gainey, he’s got a big knot on his head.”

Mosely is currently being held in the Alachua County Jail on two counts of burglary and drug possession.


“He better be glad I didn’t have a gun,” Gainey continued. “Because I would have shot him. But this is my gun right here (baseball bat). Because I gone ‘Pi-yow!’”

Pi-yow! indeed. Y’all gon’ learn today.

Menace to supremacy. Founder of Extraordinary Ideas and co-host and producer of The Extraordinary Negroes podcast. Impatiently waiting for y'all to stop putting sugar in grits.



“I’ll beat that bitch with a bat.” - Rah Digga (2003)