Look, bruh. I get it.
About seven or eight growth spurts ago, when I was like 13 years old, I remember hitting up the other New York—I think it was Nyack, to be specific—to visit cousins I haven’t seen since. During that trip, me and my cousin, Joe, used to spend our mornings fucking up TurboGrafx-16 and shooting hoops in the driveway.
One day, both of our dads came outside to chop it up with us and clearly feeling ourselves, Joe and I challenged them to a game of 2-on-2—because every teenager considers this a rite of passage. Ask Zaire Wade.
It’s also what’s commonly known as “a bad idea.”
These old ass niggas proceeded to bust our asses in that driveway. I have vivid memories of the man who gave me life backing me down in the paint like Shaq and sending my little boney ass flying into the garage door for an easy layup. My PTSD—and pride—tell me that he had a good 25 years and 100+ pounds on me at the time, but I don’t even think we scored more than two or three points. It was a vicious, brutal annihilation and to this day, I still recoil in fear every time I hear thunder. Because nigga, I’m traumatized.
I also walked away with a
broken spirit valuable lesson: Old Heads exist only to torment and embarrass the young heads.
This brings us to Virginia State University student Afolabi Oyeneyin, who really thought he was doing something by harassing man, woman, and child on campus with a dazzling array of moves he either stole from a vintage And 1 mixtape or the Harlem Globetrotters. Sadly, this parade of unnecessary suffering would meet its abrupt end once Oyeneyin set his sights on VSU President Makola Abdullah, more commonly known as an Old Head.
Suffice to say, it did not end well.
You see, when Oyeneyin makes the foolish mistake of picking the wrong prey—“I got something for you!” he taunts—Abdullah snatches the rock, removes his blazer on some WWE “you gon learn today” shit, bounces it off Oyeneyin’s head, then hits him with a nasty crossover.
Because this is exactly what Old Heads do: Live to torment the young heads.
After Oyeneyin was able to reassemble his dignity, he explained to WTVR that he knew his Black ass was gonna go viral for all the wrong reasons.
“I knew it was going to be big,” he said. “But this is insane, to be honest. I’ve never seen that happen before. People are seeing it from all over the world.”
That they are. Congrats?
And for those wondering if Oyeneyin has any plans to defend his honor, wellllllllllll...
Something tells me the rematch will be just as ugly as its predecessor.
You can’t win against an Old Head. It’s in the bible somewhere.