See that scary-ass black cat? That’s not a dry seal or some kind of deceptively cuddly anime character. That’s a damn jaguar.
Thanks to those among us who enjoy their potato salad as white as Dow Jones’ editorial staff, we’ve another predictable interaction between dangerous predatory animals and adventurous white folks.
Animals, who jumped out to an early, seemingly insurmountable lead over humankind millions of years ago, have seen the win gap closed by disease, pollution, and the advent of human weaponry. With humans inventing new and gruesome ways to kill each other at a breakneck pace, the war between man and beast seems all but decided in favor of the most violent animals of all.
But rest assured, haughty humans: animals have never stopped waiting for the moment to rock our shit. Anytime. Anywhere.
A jaguar at the Wildlife World Zoo in Litchfield Park, Ariz. attacked a woman who jumped the perfectly good barrier protecting her from the jaguar’s natural propensity to attack other animals that enter its field of vision.
The woman, who is in her 30s and expected to survive cause and effect, hopped the barrier to take a photo when she was attacked by a female jaguar.
Yes, she was.
“The visitor sustained non-life threatening injuries to their arm from one of our female jaguars,” the zoo said via Twitter. “At the request of the family, paramedics were called. At no time was the animal out of its enclosure ... please understand why barriers are put in place. Sending prayers to the family tonight,.”
Citing the fire department, CNN affiliate KPHO reported that the woman was trying to take a selfie near the fence of the gotdamn jaguar enclosure when the animal attacked her arm.
Adam Wilkerson, whose video of the fence hopping aftermath made rounds via social media, was at the zoo with his family when someone ran around the corner shouting for help.
“I had no idea what I was going to see, I just ran over there,” he said. “I saw the other girl up against the fence, with there arm caught in the jaguar’s claws.”
Wilkerson’s mother distracted the big cat with her water bottle, allowing Wilkerson to pull Insane Goodall away.
When asked whether the jaguar had hurt any other humans, facility founder Mickey Ollson told CNN “she had scratched a person once before, when they crossed the barrier.”