No One Wants to be Trump's Chief of Staff Because the Job Sucks

Illustration for article titled No One Wants to be Trumps Chief of Staff Because the Job Sucks
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As it turns out, the emperor has no clothes and no chief of staff because no one wants that miserable-ass job of being the Spliff Starr to the president’s Busta Rhymes. John F. Kelly bounced on the president’s ass mostly because he didn’t know that the chief of staff job meant changing the executive television from Fox News to Honk, Toot & Swoo-swoosh, retrieving the president’s warm infant octopus blood from the executive freezer and pre-rolling Forbes magazines.

After telling John Kelly “you’re fired,” the man who previously made a living hiring people to do shitty tasks has discovered that the position of White House chief of staff is so undesirable that no one wants to sign up for his dumb White House reality show.

The president just knew that Vice President Pence’s lackey would be more than willing to jump at the job but Nick Ayers learned that being chief of staff meant sometimes having to hop in and help change the president’s diaper after a full bucket of KFC and he said, “I’m good, dog.”


So now the White House is scrambling like Mark Sanchez under light pressure on a clear day with no one in his face to find someone who wants to take the job that no one wants.

The Washington Post reports:

In any White House, the chief of staff is arguably the most punishing position. But in this White House — a den of disorder ruled by an impulsive president — it has proved to be an especially thankless job. The two people to hold the job were left with their reputations diminished after failing to constrain the president, who often prefers to function as his own chief of staff.

Three members of Trump’s Cabinet who have been discussed inside the West Wing as possible chiefs of staff — Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin, Office of Management and Budget Director Mick Mulvaney and U.S. Trade Representative Robert E. Lighthizer — each signaled Monday that they were not interested in the position.

Considerable buzz has centered on two other contenders. Rep. Mark Meadows (R-N.C.) noted his interest in the job by issuing a statement saying that “serving as Chief of Staff would be an incredible honor.”

“It is not something I have been campaigning for,” Meadows told reporters Monday on Capitol Hill, adding that his phone “blew up” after the Ayers news broke. “The president has a good list of candidates. I’m honored to be one of those.”

The White House notes that there is no front-runner because telling Trump that his tie doesn’t make him look fat or leaning over him to cut his burned steak into pieces is exhausting.

Because one of the few jobs Trump is allowed to do independently is tweet, Trump took to Twitter to claim that all reports that anyone doesn’t want to work for the best administration in the world are lies!


“Fake News has it purposely wrong,” Trump said in a Tuesday morning tweet. “Many, over ten, are vying for and wanting the White House Chief of Staff position. Why wouldn’t someone want one of the truly great and meaningful jobs in Washington.”

Trump has posted a listing on Craigslist looking for that special someone who is willing to be his wingman during cuffing season.


The Post notes that White House counselor, the skeletal remains of Kellyanne Conway aka “Skellyanne” and former governor of New Jersey Chris Christie aka Cake Boss are on the shortlist of possible replacements.

We all know that Christie who has been vying for relevancy will take any job in the White House. My hunch tells me that Trump lightweight hates him, so now we wait and see.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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The job sucks now, but it’s going to be so, so much worse once subpoenas from House Democrats start rolling in. Even in administrations that don’t constantly stomp on their own dick in public, having an opposition party in control of either the Senate or the House means an endless stream of subpoenas for all manner of documents. Most of it is just an effort to pressure the administration, but every now and then it turns up a good nugget. IIRC, it’s what turned up Hilary Clinton’s email server which Republicans used as a key part of the 2016 election.