Michael 'Eddie King Jr' Cohen Is Ready to Prove He's Still Got It; Will Testify Before Congress

Illustration for article titled Michael Eddie King Jr Cohen Is Ready to Prove Hes Still Got It; Will Testify Before Congress
Photo: Eduardo Munoz Alvarez (Getty Images)

Trump’s former lawyer Michael “nights like this I wish that raindrops would fall” Cohen is ready to go full Eddie King Jr. (the church Eddie King, not the kicked-out-the-group Eddie King) in front of the House Oversight Committee in a major move by House Democrats.

According to a schedule published by the committee, Trump’s former fixer Michael “Mahalia Jackson” Cohen is ready to go full “and I will always love youuuu” Whitney Houston as a part of the House Democrats push to investigate all of those names caught up in special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation, CNN reports.

Cohen reportedly agreed to testify publicly before the panel on February 7, and this is going to be must-see TV.


“I thank Michael Cohen for agreeing to testify before the Oversight Committee voluntarily,” Oversight Chairman Elijah Cummings, a Democrat from Maryland, in a statement, CNN reports. “I want to make clear that we have no interest in inappropriately interfering with any ongoing criminal investigations, and to that end, we are in the process of consulting with special counsel Mueller’s office.”

Cohen is on a full redemption tour to try and paint himself as a true patriot of America, and of course, all of this comes after pleading guilty to multiple charges including “two campaign finance crimes tied to illicit payments made to silence women during the presidential campaign.” Cohen has already said that he was just a puppet, that it was Trump who was calling all the shots and he was merely a grown damn man who could’ve have told Trump, “I’m not going to be able to do all this illegal shit you’re asking.”

But Cohen didn’t and now he’s looking at three years in prison.

From CNN:

Cohen cooperated with Mueller’s investigation after his August guilty plea, and his congressional testimony could thrust some of those still-private details he provided into the public sphere. Mueller’s team in court filings wrote that Cohen provided “useful information concerning certain discrete Russia-related matters core to its investigation.”

In a statement to CNN, Cohen said he agreed to testify “in furtherance of my commitment to cooperate and provide the American people with answers.”

“I look forward to having the privilege of being afforded a platform with which to give a full and credible account of the events which have transpired,” Cohen said.


Both Trump and Cohen are basura, but it will be interesting to hear Cohen turn full Mary J. and turn on the man he once claimed he’d take a bullet for. I Just truly hope and pray that Cohen walks into the hearing like this:

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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He progressively looks beat down with every new photo. I get the weird feeling he’ll attempt suicide after the hearing.