Illustration for article titled Melania Trump: The First White Woman
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First lady Melania Trump knows that “Be Best,” her dumbly named cyberbullying initiative, is a joke to anyone with eyes, ears and an education beyond third-grade language arts. But none of this stops Melania Trump, an adult woman with agency and a spine, from playing the victim and painting herself as a dovetailed falcon willing to rise above ridicule.


Because Melania Trump is also a white woman.

In fact, she’s not just a white woman. She’s the white woman. And like many white women, Melania has inexplicably found a way to twist the narrative of her role in the racist, xenophobic administration and somehow make herself an innocent martyr.


Melania’s willingness to fight the good fight for all the brave, billionaire white women who are oppressed by the masses was on display Thursday at a speaking engagement about cyberbullying.

“It is not news or surprising to me that critics and the media have chosen to ridicule me for speaking out on this issue, and that’s OK,” Mrs. Trump said at a Family Online Safety Institute conference, according to CNN.

“I remain committed to tackling this topic because it will provide a better world for our children,” she continued, “and I hope that like I do, you will consider using their negative words as motivation to do all you can to bring awareness and understanding about responsible online behavior.”

The cyberbullying portion of Trump’s dumb-ass campaign has been a joke every since she swaggerjacked and then chopped and screwed forever first lady Michelle Obama’s motto. Soon, she’ll be trying to get on the cover of Essence to announce the release of her book, Becoming Best.


As white women do, it still seems to be lost on the fair lady Trump that she is benefitting from the fact that her husband, a white man, is the biggest cyberbully on these mean e-streets. The New York Times keeps a running list of the nearly 500 “people, places and things” the president has insulted on Twitter. Insults from the list include “thief,” “low IQ person,” “clown,” “hack,” “dummy” and “pathetic.”

Melania Trump is willing to talk about “fake news” and the “liberal media,” but somehow never mentions that. CNN notes that this isn’t the first time that first lady Trump has claimed to be bullied about her cyberbullying campaign.


“I am well aware that people are skeptical of me discussing this topic,” Trump said at a roundtable event with technology executives. “I have been criticized for my commitment to tackling this issue and I know that will continue. But it will not stop me from doing what I know is right.”

Because the first lady seems acutely unaware of irony and how fucking ridiculous she sounds preaching to the choir, CNN notes that lady Trump had the audacity to wax about the “destructive and harmful” uses of social media in August. Trump’s spokeswoman told CNN: “She’s addressed this before. She is well aware of the criticism, but that will not deter her from doing what she feels is right.”


“I would hope most people in this country are proud that they have a strong and independent first lady who only has the best interests of children at heart—I know I am,” read the statement from East Wing communications director Stephanie Grisham, CNN reports.

It sounds as if Trump created a grammatically incorrect initiative that would address cyberbullying so that everyone could laugh at the irony of her stupidly-named program and then claim that she is, in fact, being bullied but will rise above it. I know this move well, in fact, I perfected it when I was a single man to get out of arguments.


It must also be noted that the woman painting herself as a pasty-skinned pharaoh willing to rise above the dissenting mortal slaves, used her platform to bully a woman out of a job.

On Thursday, in an unprecedented move, the first lady publicly called for the president to get rid of deputy national security adviser, Mira Ricardel, because Melania was beefing with her. According to CNN, the White House announced Wednesday that Ricardel would be leaving her current role and would take a different position in the administration.


But yes, let’s keep talking about how Melania is going to rise above the naysayers and acting like she’s not complicit in the president’s bullshit. Let’s keep acting like the insensitive jacket she wore to visit migrant children was an accident.

Perhaps nothing is more illustrative of Melania’s white woman hypocrisy than the fact that she sits silently by as her husband demonizes immigrants while evidence suggests that she was working in the United States as an undocumented immigrant when she met him.


Two years after meeting Trump, Melania was granted an EB-1 visa, reserved for people with “extraordinary abilities,” called the “Einstein Visa.” Then her parents got to skip the citizenship line using “chain migration” as Trump railed against the policy.


We all know that President Trump is trash but if you still believe that the woman who benefits from his privilege is any better, then you too, have been drinking the Kool-aid. I mean this with all possible respect when I say, Melania Trump ain’t shit either.

Unlike the rest of the fake news media, I will call her by her titles:

Melania Trump: First Among White Women, Ruler of Mar-a-Lago, Queen of the Orange Men, Stealer of Mottos, Mother of Drabness, Queen of the Unbothered, Protector of Privilege, Breaker of Grammar Rules, The Undocumented, Khaleesi of the Great White Tears.


Be Best.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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Stephen, here are some more titles you can add:

Pasty Progenitor of Plagarism, First Lady of Thotism (ooh I’m gonna ruffle some feathers with this one - but am I wrong), White Tearjerker, Stilted Language Smooth Criminal, Next Generation Gwyneth Paltrow, Becky with the Pulled Face, Breaker of Chain Immigration, Princess of Tacky Privilege, Genius Granted of Glamour, Best of Being