Look, I get it.
Be it roasted, grilled, or fried, I love chicken more than the Kardashian clan loves cultural appropriation; more than MAGAts love Jesus Is King; hell, even more than Future loves child support. But on the laundry list of things that I will never in life do, right next to “apologize for enjoying Homeboys in Outer Space,” is “stab somebody over a $4 chicken sandwich.”
Yet here we are, discussing this actually happening because some greedy bastard decided that barrel-cured pickles and spicy mayonnaise were worth catching a charge for.
Fox 5 DC reports that the battered and breaded stabbing occurred at an Oxon Hill, Md., Popeyes on Monday night:
According to police, the fight initially began in line when a man cut in front of another man and then the altercation escalated and spilled outside where one of the men was stabbed.
When officers arrived at the scene, they found a 28-year-old man in the parking lot suffering from stab wounds.
He was transported to a local hospital where he succumbed to his injuries about an hour after the stabbing.
Over a chicken sandwich?
With the suspect yet to turn himself in and an investigation underway, police aren’t crystal clear on a motive, but they’re 100 percent certain that niggas love chicken a little too damn much.
“We have been able to determine, preliminarily, that this is related to the release of the sandwich here at this restaurant [...] this individual was in line specifically for the sale of the sandwich when another customer and he got into an altercation and that ended with the victim being stabbed outside of the business,” Jennifer Donelan, the Director of Media Relations for the Prince George’s County Police Department, said.
Please be safe in these streets, y’all. Ain’t no sandwich—fried or otherwise—worth a headlock, bullethole, or stab wound.