Fresh off the cacophony of questionable outfits, poor hosting skits and octoroon overcompensation that was the BET Awards, VH1 brought us an extra lit episode of Our Daily Shade, also known as Love and Hip Hop Atlanta, Season 5. Is it me or did Mona try to stuff everything under the sun into this episode - which simultaneously explored the reunion of Mimi and Stevie J, renewed Joselineβs thesbian tendencies, unveiled a Katt Williams twist AND highlighted the expansion of βYungβ Jocβs #aintshitnigga empire - all in 60 minutes?!?! Maybe this season will end before New Yearβs Eve after all!
Mimi done had it yall! Or so she would have us believe, as she slams down the night bag belonging to one Stevie Jordan, unceremoniously shakes his ass woke and tells him to get the full, complete and entire hell out of her house. Why, pray tell? She found out that he was never married to Joseline. Remember that pretend radio interview last week? Well he admitted to the host that the marriage was all a hoax to promote their βmagazine coverβ - air quotes implied. How DARE he lie to her! I mean, heβs NEVER done that before! Stevie assures her that he didnβt want her to find out like this and PS, heβs done with Joseline now that sheβs running around the city taking pictures with Rick Ross and thangs. In all fairness, Ricky Rosay is a gargantuan man and one need only be in his general vicinity to unwittingly take a picture with him, IJS. Mimi ainβt really tryinβ to hear all that, though. She wants Stevie J to get off her couch and out of her life. Never heard THAT before! Chile good day.
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Meanwhile, doing absolutely nothing relevant is hard work, so Joc, Scrappy, Kirk and some other no count niggas decided to relax with a poker game at J Nicksβ house this week. Who the eff is J Nicks? Let my girlfriend tell it, heβs Dom DeLuise's face on Gary Colemanβs body. She ainβt nevah lied - Iβll allow it! Anyway, while the fellas are playin, Nicksβ professional skeet sock girlfriend Amber Priddy is wandering around doing things like spilling dranks on Yung Jocβs crotch and wiping them off with her bare hands. Nicks calls her on it, to which she responds by verbally chin checking him with cheating accusations of her own. Or do you think she didnβt know about Tiara!
Speaking of Tiara, itβs her week to be on screen again! And so we flash forward to J Nicks donning his best Lex Luthor swag to take her out on the town. He even took off his Harriet Tubman headwrap lord! Sadly, Tiara wasnβt looking her cutest this week - her weave was off and her face was looking real basic. My gf concurred with my initial ruling, and added that βbitches be transforming with that contouring and shit.β I donβt know if Iβd say that for Tiara, but I will say that nothing much came out of the date. In brighter news, Iβm fairly certain Tiaraβs lady lumps are 100% real. That deserves a toast on this show!
So now itβs time for our Mama Dee moment. Because Mona is officially out of ways to even begin to make us care about Scrappy or his expansive neck, every week we have to be subjected to Mama Dee and her machinations to get her son laid. This weekβs attempt found Mama Dee at a twerk class (see: seventh seal) preparing for her album, with Scrappy lookinβ on. Naturally, in walks Betty Idol for some more heavy-handed matchmaking. Father Gawd, Mama Dee is like Gargamel with the gotdamned Smurfs when it comes to getting her son some cooch - just obsessed! Iβve never seen a mother so invested in the welfare of her sonβs peen. I guess thatβs these modern parents. My parents arenβt allowed to acknowledge I have a vagina, let alone make plans for it. Scrappy clarifies, again, that it ainβt happening, before implying that he has someone else in his cross hairs. Poor them.
Now that I think about it, the overall theme of this episode was foolish hookups! From Karlie Redd canoodling with Katt Williams whilst rockinβ a baggy crotched catsuit at her presumably 72nd birthday celebration, to Joseline inviting Tommie to sample her well-worn cootie cat (dry heave) to MJessica Dymes cozying up to Stevie J during a faux recording session. And of course, Joc got in on the action, waking up shortly after poker night in a hotel with that olβ Clairmont Lounge lookinβ Amber Priddy, talmbout he may have broke the bro code. Nigggaaaaaaa. Has he ever met a hot pocket that he didnβt want to sample? Like legit, he just an ole messy ass slore! Just 50 shades of triflinβ, layinβ up in the bed with Amber - afterglow implied - trying to logic his way through how heβs going to tell Nicks he slam-bammed his ivory playthang without catching an immediate fade. Seems like they needed to find a way to inject βYungβ Joc back into this show again, what with him having no plausible career to fall back on. I guess all thatβs left is watching him spread chlamydia throughout the greater metropolitan Atlanta area. *Kanye shrug* Itβs a living.
This weekβs emotional climax came care of Tammy who has suddenly decided to divulge that Waka ainβt exactly been husband of the year. Heβs running the streets and sheβs walking around the park in Midtown listening to sad music. And all this time we thought they were the Luke and Laura of our era. But seriously ,that poor thang couldnβt even bring herself to say the words βhe cheatedβ - she just tried to talk all around it. Well look on the bright side Tammy: Youβre young, youβre cute when your face ainβt swole, and your ass sit up nice in a jumpsuit. Unless they hit you with that shot from below. Then it looks like a heavy chevy.
See yall next week!
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