LeBron James Wants to Beat Kyrie Irving’s Ass: Report

Kyrie Irving (standing) and LeBron James of the Cleveland Cavaliers in Game 5 of the 2016 NBA Finals at Oracle Arena on June 13, 2016, in Oakland, Calif. (Ronald Martinez/Getty Images)

OK, now this is really getting good. According to sources who spoke with the always yelling Stephen A. Smith, King James—the lead singer of King James and the Jamettes by way of the Cleveland Cavaliers—wants to beat current but soon-to-be-former teammate point guard Kyrie Irving’s ass.


Don’t believe me? Here’s audio of Smith’s loud-talking ass saying it himself:

I like this kind of threatened violence as long as it doesn’t turn into actual violence. I grew up in the 1980s, when basketball wasn’t all friendly. I remember when petty-ass Isiah Thomas froze out then-rookie Michael Jordan in the All-Star Game. I remember the thuggish, ruggish Detroit Pistons and when playing at Da Garden meant you might lose a tooth.

When Kevin Durant left Oklahoma City to go play with Golden State, I secretly wished that Durant and Russell Westbrook would never become friends again. Not because I don’t want them to have an actual, real-life friendship, but because I wanted that rivalry type of basketball that’s been missing.


So James wants to kick Irving’s ass? Good! But keep it on the court and let the better team win. When Irving comes through the lane, hit him with an elbow. When James goes up for a shot, punch him in the ribs, Kyrie! (OK, don’t punch him in the ribs, but seriously, is there any way that Kyrie Irving could hurt LeBron James?)

Either way, I’m not mad at this. Players shouldn’t hang out in the offseason. They shouldn’t want to go kayaking together—they should want to kick each other’s ass. And thank God Irving has realized that he has a good voice, too, and doesn’t want to be King James’ backup singer any longer.


I can’t wait for the new season to start!

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About the author

Stephen A. Crockett Jr.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.