Khaki Pants, Meet Tiki Torch: Trump Just Suggested That Rudy Giuliani Needs to ‘Learn Before You Speak’

Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani stands with then President-elect Donald Trump on Nov. 20, 2016, in Bedminster Township, N.J.
Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani stands with then President-elect Donald Trump on Nov. 20, 2016, in Bedminster Township, N.J.
Photo: Drew Angerer (Getty Images)

The idea that Donald J. Trump, president of all the VFW posts in the Midwest, would suggest that ex-New York Mayor and lifetime deplorable Rudy Giuliani needs to learn before he speaks is rich, but that’s exactly what happened Friday before the president departed for Dallas, where he will address the National Rifle Association.


“He’ll get his facts straight,” Trump stipulated before adding: “There has been a lot of misinformation. I say, You know what? Learn before you speak. It’s a lot easier,” CNN reports.

The president of all the owners of little pickup trucks with fat, oversized wheels was speaking, of course, about Giuliani’s bombshell interviews (which, I’d still argue, were staged), in which the former mayor, who once argued that Black Lives Matter was inherently racist, claimed that Trump not only was aware that his longtime personal lawyer Michael Cohen paid hush money to porn actress Stormy Daniels but also paid the lawyer back—all claims that Trump previously denied.

Now Trump—the most freewheeling, unlearned, inherently racist, xenophobic, incoherent, tweeting-ass president to ever be elected by Facebook and Russian bots—is literally going to tell Giuliani to learn before he speaks.

That’s it. I’m signing off, guys. Goodbye. Someone’s going to have to care for my dogs because I’m done for the day. I probably won’t get out of bed until the morning.

Between Sarah Huckabee, aka Suckabee, Sanders and the president of people who know what mud flaps are used for, the amount of untruths, lies, deception, incoherent ramblings and just plain-old wrong shit coming out of this administration is staggering. But for the president of people who believe that hot dog water is a beverage to actually act as if he follows the tenet of “speaking” only on subjects on which one is “learned” is mind-boggling.

Keep in mind that the president of white women who wear cutoff-jean shorts and tall cowboy boots also previously backed up Giuliani’s claims on Twitter. Just one day after Giuliani’s bold statements on Fox, Trump tweeted:


Now Trump is claiming that Giuliani has it all wrong.

“Everything said has been said incorrectly,” Trump said. He added that Giuliani, who has been with his administration for over a week now, just started “yesterday.”


“When Rudy made the statements—Rudy is great—but Rudy had just started, and he wasn’t totally familiar with everything,” he said.

Confused? Good. That’s just the way the Trump administration wants it. I’m sure having trouble making sense of it all.


BIMming It

“I’m having trouble making sense of it all.”

It’s not really that complicated. Trump didn’t know about the payment Cohen made to Stormy when it happened, but it was absolutely for Trump, and it absolutely didn’t have anything to do with the campaign. Trump paid him back for that, except Cohen says he didn’t. Trump paid it back in small payments, which is when he became aware of the NDA and the hush-money, so it’s not a campaign finance violation... unless that’s a violation, in which case none of this is true and it’s time we start over.

I think the one concrete truth that we can be certain of is this: Trump paid Stormy $130k, through Cohen, because she was annoying and NOT because she had an affair with Trump. Which means that Trump paid her $130k to stop making false claims about him, which fits with the knowledge we have about Trump not burying his enemies under mountains of litigation if they so much as fail to praise his socks.

What’s so confusing about this?