Kellyanne Conway Tried to Burn Joe Biden. Then Her Husband Came and Lit Her Ass Up

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I am convinced—and no one can unconvince me—that White House counselor Kellyanne Conway and her husband, Mr. Kellyanne Conway, have a sex game that looks like this: Kellyanne, aka Lil Half-Dead, will work for one of the most powerful racists in the country and Mr. Kellyanne Conway (I think his name is George or Bill or something generically Anglo-Saxon) will troll the fuck out of her and her boss. (Seriously, I need proof that Kellyanne Conway is not a skeleton wearing a matted wig.)

And then when Lil Half-Dead returns home from a long day of marginalizing minorities and defending the enslavement of people of color, they greet each other with a racist dog whistle and make xenophobic love on a mattress covered in dog hair with the smell of mayonnaise-scented candles wafting in the air.

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Fine, you don’t like my concocted scenario, but you have to admit that something must be up for Ronald Conway to continuously subtweet the orange-tinted Russian bear who just so happens to be his wife’s boss.

Well, now the subs have moved closer to home—the Conways’ home—as Randolph Conway straight lit his wife up on Twitter.

From the Washington Post:

In a post Monday afternoon, George Conway replied pointedly to a video shared by his wife, Trump’s senior counselor, of Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden.

“Sleepy Joe is Creepy Joe. We need Ukraine’s help to defeat THIS guy?” Kellyanne Conway wrote, referring to the allegations at the heart of the impeachment inquiry — that Trump pressured the Ukrainian president to open an investigation of Biden, his potential rival in the 2020 election. George Conway, a lawyer who has become one of Trump’s most notable and vocal critics, copied her tweet and retorted succinctly, “Your boss apparently thought so.”

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Got ’em!

Or in white people language: burn sauce!

In truth, the whole thing is fucking weird. It’s one thing not to like your wife’s boss but it’s another to publicly troll and subtweet your wife’s boss and then move the aim to her when I’m sure she’s doing the best she can to move the needle back to slavery. Mortimer Conway married Lil Half-Dead so he had to know what he was getting into. Hell, he’s a Republican who’s reinvented himself as the voice of the people on social media because he publicly bashes the president.

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But it isn’t just publicly; he also reportedly tells people that his wife is in a cult, which has to make for a really awkward home life. He publicly and privately throws his wife under the bus, which can’t help her working life.

All of which brings me to the idea that the trolling and subtweets have to be some sort of foreplay that leads to sadomasochistic necrophilia in the Conways’ boudoir. That or Felix Conway really doesn’t give a shit about how Kellyanne feels and truly just hates the president more than he loves his wife.

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About the author

Stephen A. Crockett Jr.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.