Just Hold On, the Stimmy Is Coming. I Repeat, the Stimmy Is Coming!

Illustration for article titled Just Hold On, the Stimmy Is Coming. I Repeat, the Stimmy Is Coming!
Photo: Doug Mills (Getty Images)

Now that Mercury is out of Gatorade and we are still in a panorama, I’m happy to report that the stimmy is on the way.

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Look, fuck whatever Republicans are talking about because you know they get all fiscally conservative when anyone talks about giving money to the needy. The plan is for the $1.9 trillion coronavirus relief package, more commonly referred to as the “stimmy,” to be on President Stimmy Turner’s desk for his Hancock next week.

According to CNBC, “The Senate will start considering the House-passed version of the bill as soon as Wednesday, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, D-N.Y., said Tuesday. After up to 20 hours of debate and a marathon vote on amendments, the Senate can pass its legislation.”

House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer (D-Md.), expects the Senate to have “Evian in your Cup of Noodles” bill approved by Friday or Saturday, but that will be a different version than the House bill, which means that the House will have to reconvene on Monday to approve of the Senate-passed bill. Which is just a long-ass way of saying get ready to call the electric company and talk shit: “You thinking about cutting whose power off? Not today, ho.”

The plan for Congressional Dems has always been to get the bill on Biden’s desk before March 14, which is when unemployment benefits were set to expire.

“We need strong relief to get the economy going so it can continue on an upward path on its own,” Schumer said on the Senate floor Tuesday, CNBC reports. “That’s what this bill is designed to do.”

Which is just another way of saying go ahead and get the crunchy peanut butter because we ’bout to be balling! I hate to say it, but part of me is proud of Democrats for walking into Congress, mean-mugging Republicans and then yelling “budget reconciliation,” or for the Democratic senators who are Crips, “cudget reconciliation.” But they can’t be out here wavering. In order for this to work, Senate Democrats have to keep all their members on the right side to get the bill through.

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From CNBC:

Democrats still have to assuage concerns within the party about the scope of unemployment benefits and direct payments in the legislation, according to Politico. In addition, Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt., still aims to find a way to put a $15 per hour minimum wage in the plan after the Senate parliamentarian ruled lawmakers could not include it as part of a reconciliation bill.

The party decided to scrap a potential tax penalty designed to make corporations pay a $15 an hour wage, worrying including it would delay the bill’s final passage.

Biden was set to nudge Senate Democrats toward approving the legislation when he called into a meeting with the caucus on Tuesday afternoon.

The bill as passed by the House includes $1,400 direct payments to most Americans, plus a $400 per week unemployment payment supplement and an expansion of programs extending jobless benefit eligibility to millions more Americans through Aug. 29. It also expands the child tax credit for many households to up to $3,600 per child over a year, and puts billions more into rental assistance for people struggling to stay in their homes.

The legislation also includes $20 billion to speed up Covid-19 vaccinations, $350 billion for state, local and tribal government aid, and $170 billion for K-12 schools and higher education institutions for reopening and student aid costs.

No House Republicans voted for the proposal when it passed early Saturday, and two Democrats opposed it. Senate Republicans are expected to vote against the bill, as well.

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The GOP has issues with the bill, but as I said earlier, fuck whatever they are talking about as this isn’t about them. This is about getting extra cheese on those nachos, baby. We out here!

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

DISCUSSION

Weren’t the Senate Republicans complain that the bill was only 9% of actual relief funding for the public (which again is bullshit narrative, because it still means we’re getting more money than they ever wanted us to have)?
I love how they didn’t do a goddamn thing for a year, collected bill after bill of tax reliefs, and are now trying this sad act of: “We’re the little guys now, we deserve to be heard for the people!”