Photo: Dustin Chambers (Getty Images)

Former Vice President Joe Biden is proving himself to be a fuckboi. At this point, I wouldn’t trust Obama’s BFF to tell me what he ate for breakfast this morning if he hadn’t checked with his campaign staff and taken a peek at his polling numbers to see where bacon haters have landed.

For the longest time, Biden has been in support of the Hyde Amendment, which blocks federal funding being used for abortions and which disproportionately affects poor women and women of color who depend on Medicaid for health procedures. But when his Democratic rivals—most notably, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass.)—gathered his ass up, Biden reversed his position, CNN reports.

Advertisement

“Here’s how I look at this: I’ve lived in an America where abortions were illegal. And understand this: Women still got abortions,” said Warren, speaking to MSNBC’s Chris Hayes at a town hall-style forum on Wednesday. “Now, some got lucky on what happened, and some got really unlucky on what happened. But the bottom line is they were there.”

Advertisement

“Who won’t will be poor women,” Warren continued. “It will be working women, women who can’t afford to take off three days from work. It will be very young women. It will be women who have been raped and women who have been molested by someone in their own family. We do not pass laws that take away that freedom from the women who are most vulnerable.”

Well, after Warren laid out all of the reasons the Hyde Amendment is some straight bullshit, guess who came out of his house wearing the acrobatic jumpsuit and thong sandals ready to do all of the flipping and the flopping?

Advertisement

Yep, you guessed it—Biden, the man who’s supported the Hyde Amendment his entire career.

“If I believe healthcare is a right, as I do, I can no longer support an amendment that makes that right dependent on someone’s ZIP code,” he said, CNN reports.

Advertisement

So let’s break this down so that it makes complete sense to the kids in the back of the class: On Wednesday, he said still supported the Hyde Amendment. Wednesday evening, damn near all of the Wu-Tang Clan of Democratic nominees came out against Biden’s position. On Thursday, Biden comes out against the position he had a day before.

This, in short, makes him a fuckboi—or at the least a relationship chameleon. Biden has essentially become the guy who eats meat until he likes a woman who is vegan, and then guess who’s also a vegan?! Or the guy that all of a sudden gives a shit about women’s rights because it’s bad for business.

Advertisement

Biden claimed literally a day after stating that he supported the Amendment that he changed his mind because Republican state lawmakers have enacted “extreme laws in clear violation of constitutional rights” protected by the Supreme Court’s Roe v. Wade decision, making access to abortions more difficult for women. Because Biden knows that he’s going to be beaten for his lifelong support of the Hyde Amendment, he makes “no apologies” for his past position.

“But circumstances have changed. I’ve been working through the final details of my healthcare plan like others in this race and I’ve been struggling with the problems that Hyde now presents,” Biden said.

Advertisement

Bitch, did circumstances change in a day? Or did you realize that you were so far right of the rest of the Democratic field that you were starting to look real Republican?

“I can’t justify leaving millions of women without access to the care they need and the ability to...exercise their constitutionally protected right,” he said.

Advertisement

“Folks, the times have changed. I don’t think these guys are going to let up,” Biden said, referring to Republicans.

So Biden is all in on women’s rights, which will be a good thing if he’s elected. But make no mistake about it, Biden woke his old ass up after several of his foes—looking at you, Sen. Warren—shook his sleepy ass up. Biden is going to have to do more than ride Obama’s coattails if he’s going to win this thing because as it stands, he’s flipping more than Simone Biles during her Olympic floor routine.