Well, hello there. Let’s get to it.
On the same day that the Baltimore Ravens got their wig split 41-17 by the Cincinnati Bengals, rookie wideout Ja’Marr Chase, who may or may not be sent from the future to destroy us, slaughtered every man, woman, and secondary in his way with an otherworldly performance for the ages.
On Sunday, the same guy who critics prematurely called a bust in the preseason shitted down Marlon Humphrey’s throat with 201 receiving yards and a touchdown for good measure. He was also kind enough to do shit like this along the way:
Chase’s insane game also elevated him into a class of his own, as he officially became the first player since the AFL-NFL merger to have over 700 receiving yards through the first seven games of his career.
This kid Chase is nasty, and it’s scary to think he’s nowhere near his prime yet.
I find it hard to believe that any team with Patrick Mahomes, Tyreek Hill, and Travis Kelce could miss the postseason, but at this point, it’s looking like a grim reality after the Chiefs shit the bed yet again on Sunday.
After their high-powered offense mustered a grand total of three points against the Tennessee Titans (and Mahomes had almost as many turnovers), it’s abundantly clear that this is not the Chiefs of yesteryear. Hell, Derrick Henry had more touchdown passes than Mahomes did.
What part of the game is that?
“They made more plays than what we did, particularly on the first few series there,” Chiefs coach Andy Reid told reporters. “I’ve seen our guys do it and make the plays. We’re just not doing it right now.”
That’s one way to put it. For the sixth straight game, Mahomes threw an interception on Sunday, and after throwing a combined 11 interceptions in 2019 and 2020, he already has nine this year—which make up a significant chunk of his 11 turnovers this season. He also got sacked four times, trailed by 27 points at the half, and was forced to leave the game after getting cracked in the head by Denico Autry’s knee. Thankfully, Mahomes cleared concussion protocols and will be available to play against the Giants on Nov. 1. But considering the way he’s been playing all season, will it really matter?
“You get hit pretty hard, sometimes you just want to lay there,” Mahomes said. “Plus it was fourth down. [...] It was a disappointing day and disappointing way it ended.”
Are all of the recent draft picks (and acquisitions) that the Chiefs swung and missed on finally catching up to the team? Will their historically bad defense spell their doom? Will they ever stop turning over the damn ball?
There’s still plenty of time for Kansas City to turn their season around, but I dunno, bruh. Even JaMarcus Russell is like, “Them niggas are trash.”
No surprise on either of these, though I’m sure Matthew Stafford took great joy in dismantling his former team 28-19 on Sunday.
“Am I happy it’s over with? Yeah,” he said. In his first game against the Lions, who traded him as part of a blockbuster trade this offseason, the 13-year vet put up 334 passing yards and threw for three touchdowns.
“Got a lot of great friends, got a lot of people that I care about that are on that team or from that city, and just glad to have this one over with,” Stafford said. “Can put the storylines away and just go out and play football the rest of the year, and just enjoy it.”
“I’ve never seen so much green grass in the middle of the field,” he said. “That’s going to happen when you have [receivers] DeAndre Hopkins and A.J. Green on the outside and a quarterback like Kyler.”
- Some loser named Tom Brady threw his 600th (!!!!!) touchdown pass, only for Mike Evans to accidentally give the ball away. Allegedly.
- The Bucs defense could be facing felony charges for what they did to Justin Fields:
See y’all next week.