The only thing better than waking up yesterday and hearing that Rudy Giuliani’s Upper East Side apartment was raided by the feds is waking up today and remembering that we’re less than 12 hours away from the 2021 NFL Draft. And because I’m such a kind, giving soul, here are your answers to some of the biggest questions heading into the draft.
You’re welcome in advance.
I’d personally rock with Ohio State’s Justin Fields, but he’s too busy dropping down draft boards after being on the receiving end of a bunch of bullshit-ass coded language. Despite their ability to produce on the field, Black quarterbacks have routinely had their work ethic and intelligence questioned since the dawn of time. And to the surprise of absolutely nobody, Fields is no different.
“I have heard that he’s a last-guy-in, first-guy-out type of quarterback,” ESPN’s Dan Orlovsky said in March. “Like, not the maniacal work ethic. [...] I’ve heard that there are issues with Justin Fields’ work ethic. The second thing is […] where is his desire to go be a great quarterback? I think that there’s a desire to be a big-time athlete, from what is expressed to me, but where is his desire to be a great quarterback? And to be great, you gotta be willing to find the things that you are not good at and just freaking grind on them.”
Imagine somebody having the audacity to say this about you after you busted Trevor Lawrence’s ass—with a nasty rib injury—on the biggest stage in college football.
Black people have been considered lazy ever since January 1, 1863. What Orlovsky said was absolute bullshit and he’s since attempted to clean it up, but as his Black-ass ESPN colleague Dominique Foxworth pointed out, unless you have receipts, please shut that goofy shit up:
It’s for this reason and this reason alone that Lance will be the first QB snatched up in the draft. Sure, he’s only got 17 games on his resume, but his upside is too enticing to ignore.
Let me make it abundantly clear: You can’t go wrong with any of the above receivers, but me personally, I’m pulling out my wallet and buying LSU’s Ja’Marr Chase a beer.
Like a number of other players, Chase opted out of the 2020 season due to concerns about COVID-19. This probably was the right move since he didn’t have a chance in hell to replicate his 2019 season without his quarterback, Joe Burrow, at the helm. And after Burrow took the NFL by storm as a rookie last season, now it’s Chase’s turn to set the league on fire.
He’ll bring otherworldly athleticism, big-play ability, and neck-breaking speed to a very lucky team and could become a premiere yards-after-the-catch weapon in no time.
Shoutout to Devonta Smith though, cause that boy can go, too.
Would the world be a better place without Tyler Perry Studios?
Virginia Tech cornerback Caleb Farley enters the draft as one of its biggest question marks. He didn’t work out at Pro Day and hasn’t been on the field since FuBu was still a thing due to injuries, but depending upon who you ask, he’s still considered arguably the best player at his position. It could be a wrap for his career if he has to undergo one more back surgery, but I still think there’s gonna be at least one team that rolls the dice.
Remember, kids: All it takes is one yes. So if Memphis Bleek can somehow have an entire rap career, there’s no reason to think a team like the Cardinals or Browns won’t pull the trigger on Farley in the first round.
This concludes my TED Talk. See you at the draft!