It's Draft Day! Let's Talk About It

Illustration for article titled It's Draft Day! Let's Talk About It
Photo: Steve Luciano (AP)

The only thing better than waking up yesterday and hearing that Rudy Giuliani’s Upper East Side apartment was raided by the feds is waking up today and remembering that we’re less than 12 hours away from the 2021 NFL Draft. And because I’m such a kind, giving soul, here are your answers to some of the biggest questions heading into the draft.

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You’re welcome in advance.

The First Black Quarterback to Be Taken Off the Board Will Be...

Trey Lance.

I’d personally rock with Ohio State’s Justin Fields, but he’s too busy dropping down draft boards after being on the receiving end of a bunch of bullshit-ass coded language. Despite their ability to produce on the field, Black quarterbacks have routinely had their work ethic and intelligence questioned since the dawn of time. And to the surprise of absolutely nobody, Fields is no different.

“I have heard that he’s a last-guy-in, first-guy-out type of quarterback,” ESPN’s Dan Orlovsky said in March. “Like, not the maniacal work ethic. [...] I’ve heard that there are issues with Justin Fields’ work ethic. The second thing is […] where is his desire to go be a great quarterback? I think that there’s a desire to be a big-time athlete, from what is expressed to me, but where is his desire to be a great quarterback? And to be great, you gotta be willing to find the things that you are not good at and just freaking grind on them.”

Imagine somebody having the audacity to say this about you after you busted Trevor Lawrence’s asswith a nasty rib injury—on the biggest stage in college football.

Black people have been considered lazy ever since January 1, 1863. What Orlovsky said was absolute bullshit and he’s since attempted to clean it up, but as his Black-ass ESPN colleague Dominique Foxworth pointed out, unless you have receipts, please shut that goofy shit up:

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It’s for this reason and this reason alone that Lance will be the first QB snatched up in the draft. Sure, he’s only got 17 games on his resume, but his upside is too enticing to ignore.

So Ja’Marr Chase, Jaylen Waddle, and Devonta Smith Walk Into a Bar...

Let me make it abundantly clear: You can’t go wrong with any of the above receivers, but me personally, I’m pulling out my wallet and buying LSU’s Ja’Marr Chase a beer.

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Like a number of other players, Chase opted out of the 2020 season due to concerns about COVID-19. This probably was the right move since he didn’t have a chance in hell to replicate his 2019 season without his quarterback, Joe Burrow, at the helm. And after Burrow took the NFL by storm as a rookie last season, now it’s Chase’s turn to set the league on fire.

He’ll bring otherworldly athleticism, big-play ability, and neck-breaking speed to a very lucky team and could become a premiere yards-after-the-catch weapon in no time.

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Shoutout to Devonta Smith though, cause that boy can go, too.

Is Kyle Pitts the Best Weapon in the Draft?

Would the world be a better place without Tyler Perry Studios?

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Will Caleb Farley Fall Out of the First Round?

Hell nah.

Virginia Tech cornerback Caleb Farley enters the draft as one of its biggest question marks. He didn’t work out at Pro Day and hasn’t been on the field since FuBu was still a thing due to injuries, but depending upon who you ask, he’s still considered arguably the best player at his position. It could be a wrap for his career if he has to undergo one more back surgery, but I still think there’s gonna be at least one team that rolls the dice.

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Remember, kids: All it takes is one yes. So if Memphis Bleek can somehow have an entire rap career, there’s no reason to think a team like the Cardinals or Browns won’t pull the trigger on Farley in the first round.

This concludes my TED Talk. See you at the draft!

Menace to supremacy. Founder of Extraordinary Ideas and co-host and producer of The Extraordinary Negroes podcast. Impatiently waiting for y'all to stop putting sugar in grits.

DISCUSSION

robdweiner
TrumpsTinyHands

Must be COVID cabin fever, but for some reason I have actually been paying attention to this years QB draft. I have some thoughts:

  • This draft is reportedly a year full of good QB talent.
  • Historically, QB’s taken in the first round of the draft have about a 40% chance of having a decent NFL career.
  • If you watch 5 different “NFL expert QB evaluators”, you will get five wildly different evaluations. I have seen Mac Jones as the best talent of the top 5, and Mac Jones as the worst talent of the top 6. Similarly, I have seen Zack Wilson get the same top, bottom or in between evaluation. For sure though Justin Fields is either the 2nd best QB this draft, or maybe the third, fourth, fifth or sixth.
  • Every argument for a QB also seems to be an argument against him. For example: Mac Jones was on a good team that ran an “NFL-type” offense, so we know he can do it. Mac Jones was on a good team that ran an “NFL-Type” offense and the talent around him kept his flaws from showing.... he has reached his peak and won’t be able to level-up to NFL play.
  • NFL teams seem to be leaking disinformation about which pick the will take to screw with other teams, and “NFL insiders” are more than happy to report rumors. Which is hilarious and pathetic at the same time.
  • The winningest QB in NFL history was taken in the sixth round and every team passed him over more than once. Several “can’t miss” QB prospects washed out of the league in 2-4 years (Ryan Leaf, Jamarcus Russell). Dak Prescott and Russell Wilson slipped past the second round. Jameis Winston and Mitch Trubisky were the first QB’s taken in their draft. Kurt Warner went undrafted. In short, no one knows for sure who is going to be worth a shit in the NFL.
  • NFL “experts” go on the air insisting that you can’t win in today’s NFL without a young, mobile QB with a cannon arm; somehow forgetting that 45 year-old Tom “Concrete Feet” Brady and his Bucs just won the Superbowl after barely overcoming Drew “Weak Arm” Brees in the divisional round.
  • As I see it, NFL offenses are way more complicated than even D1 college, and since they are playing against faster stronger, more sophisticated defenses, quicker decision making, quicker throws, and greater accuracy are way more critical than in college. An NFL QB will face 11 defenders that are better than the best defender they ever saw in college. Therefore, success in college is at best a weak predictor of whether a QB will succeed in the NFL.
  • Great QB prospects can fail for a bunch of reasons: Can’t adapt to faster play, can’t adapt to complicated offenses, can’t read complicated defenses, not dedicated enough to watch film all the time, not good at watching film, drug/alcohol problem, got paid and would rather spend money than work out, mental health issues, injury, or maybe after playing football since they were 8, they just got fucking sick of playing the game.
  • With all the evidence that this process is really just a crap shoot, everyone seems to have an opinion on why they can’t be wrong about one of these guys and will argue until they pass out about it.
  • Oh, and just to make the process more repulsive, every time you rate Mac Jones or Zack Wilson as “top tier”, some fuck-nut on the internet will call you a racist, and if you suggest that they are second tier it is because of “white guilt.” ...and of course the same but opposite thing applies when you move Trey Lance or Justin Fields up or down.

So, based on all this research that I have done this year I can safely predict:

  • One of the top QB’s will suck, and one QB who no one thought would be good will take his team to the playoffs.
  • People will call each other names based on their choices in the draft.
  • As with any process in the age of social media, it does not speak well of our species. I won’t waste my time on this again.
  • We learn nothing, so this same nonsense will play out again next year.
  • And almost an absolute certainty, whoever the Jets pick will suck and the guy they passed on will end up in the pro bowl.