What happened to Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III that made him devoted to ruining the one pleasure that many of us have in this dismal administration? Did a weed-smoking teen with rolled-up sleeves and a souped-up Pontiac Thunderbird steal his girlfriend? Did a pot-smoking goon beat him up during a rowdy kegger at a Ku Klux Klan rally? Seriously, why is King Keebler, the attorney general of the United States, so hell-bent on taking the good herb away from the people?
While the president is out here having a nuclear-button-measuring contest with the equally unstable (yet starting to look more sane than Donald Trump) supreme leader of North Korea, on Thursday, Sessions decided that he’s going to continue the Trump mandate of undoing President Barack Obama’s legacy by rescinding the policy of not interfering with marijuana-friendly state laws, CNN reports.
The news site notes that many states have decriminalized or legalized weed use, but because the drug is still illegal under federal laws, and an elf face whose middle name is Beauregard—which had to be impossible as a child, even a child who attended Klan Kids Kindergarten—is insistent on hating us all.
According to CNN, the Obama administration took a more hands-off approach to marijuana in states where the harmless happiness had been legalized. As long as the weed smoker wasn’t attached to a cartel or distributing the drug to minors, police could basically behave like security at a Cypress Hill concert.
No one knows how Sessions plans to proceed because, like most things with this Azealia Banks-ass administration, rescinding Obama policy seems to be the only focus. It’s unclear whether states where pot is legal will revert to the old policies regarding federal enforcement or if King Keebler will enact a new policy.
But the belief is that Sessions plans to use federal laws to crack down on legal-weed states because he’s an asshole who hasn’t deal with his deep-seeded weed issues. Surely it isn’t accidental that Sessions’ announcement comes just days after California became the largest state to make recreational use of marijuana legal.
What happened to Beauregard to make him this way? We may never know.
Read more at CNN.