‘I’m Told This Is Where Bill and Monica...’: Trump is Giving White House Tours Because He Doesn’t Have Anything Else to Do

Illustration for article titled ‘I’m Told This Is Where Bill and Monica...’: Trump is Giving White House Tours Because He Doesn’t Have Anything Else to Do
Photo: Chris Kleponis (Getty Images)

Continuing his role as a world-class embarrassment, Donald Trump reportedly asks his White House guests if they want to see where former White House intern Monica Lewinsky and former president Bill Clinton carried on their illicit activities.


The Washington Post obtained an early copy of Team of Vipers, a new book by former White House aide Cliff Sims, who claims that the president has no problem showing his guests all the most intimate places of the White House while humble bragging about all of the upgrades and touches he’s added.

From the Post:

Often spending days ensconced in the presidential residence, Trump relishes giving tours to acquaintances and strangers by the hundreds, bragging all the while about improving it while he lives there, according to nearly a dozen visitors and current and former White House aides, most of whom spoke on the condition of anonymity to reveal details of the private events. With dangling new chandeliers and imported artwork added during his tenure, showing guests around the White House is among his favorite activities, they said.

During the 35 days that the government was partly shut down over his demand for border wall funding, Trump gave some visitors looks inside the West Wing, White House aides said. After holding a fast-food feast for the Clemson Tigers football team on Jan. 14, he surprised some players by taking them into the Oval Office.

“Most people want to keep parts of the White House private for their families and themselves,” presidential historian Douglas Brinkley said of previous presidents. “He’s very restless and doesn’t like desk work. He’d rather roam around and B.S. with people than hunker down.”

Oh, and in 2017, Trump told a TV anchor, “I’m told this is where Bill and Monica ...”

The Devil’s mouthpiece aka White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders aka Suckabee claims, “The president is proud of the White House and its rich history” which is why he hosts these impromptu tours that include taking shots at former presidents and the condition of the White House. Also from the Post:

The president has also claimed to guests, without evidence, that his private dining room off the Oval Office was in “rough shape” and had a hole in the wall when he came into the West Wing and that President Barack Obama used it to watch sports, according to two White House officials and two other people who have heard him discuss the dining room. “He just sat in here and watched basketball all day,” Trump told a recent group, before saying he upgraded Obama’s smaller TV to a sprawling, flat-screen one, the four people said.

An Obama White House official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because Obama does not generally respond to Trump’s remarks, said that there was no hole in the wall and that Obama rarely worked in the room and did not watch basketball there.

The Post notes that the braggadocious bullshit fits Trump’s pattern. When holding court inside Trump Tower, Trump would reportedly show guests the bedsheets where Russian prostitutes urinated and a pair of Vladimir Putin’s underwear from their first night together “celebrity relics, such as basketball great Shaquille O’Neill’s shoes, signed magazine covers and photos with athletes,” the Post reports.

It also must be noted that Trump is very proud of his specialized television setup that allows him to toggle back and forth between Fox News and Fox News. He’s an old man so he calls it “Super-TiVo.”


And because Trump is a damn liar, of course, he lies about things that have happened during his tours.

“As he has done often in a political career encompassing thousands of documented falsehoods, Trump has exaggerated at times in describing the tours,” the Post reports. “‘They start to cry,’ he has told others in explaining how people react when seeing the Oval Office, according to current and former White House aides.”


Two senior White House officials told the Post that they’ve never seen anyone cry except when Kanye wept a little bit when he hugged that Bama.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.


The Ghost of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ AKA BabySteps

“He just sat in here and watched basketball all day,”

Could this be any more of a dog whistle by Trump? “The nigger sat around all day watching his people’s game while creating holes in the wall! TISK TISK! After all, they are prone to both destroy things and sit around all day being lazy.”