There is a very easy deplorables test that one can take at home, and it goes like this: If you feel bad for the new White House communications director, Anthony Scaramucci, aka Scaramucci Mane, or anyone one who has been inside the Oval Office in the past five months, then you probably are a deplorable.
On Thursday, New Yorker writer and White House insider Ryan Lizza dropped a scathing piece of journalism awesomeness detailing a phone call he received from Scaramucci Mane the night before. Scaramucci wanted answers surrounding a tip that Lizza received about a dinner involving Mane, President Von Douche Face, the first lady, Sean Hannity and former Fox News executive Bill Shine.
Here’s how Lizza described the encounter with Scaramucci:
“Who leaked that to you?” he asked. I said I couldn’t give him that information. He responded by threatening to fire the entire White House communications staff. “What I’m going to do is, I will eliminate everyone in the comms team and we’ll start over,” he said. I laughed, not sure if he really believed that such a threat would convince a journalist to reveal a source. He continued to press me and complain about the staff he’s inherited in his new job. “I ask these guys not to leak anything and they can’t help themselves,” he said. “You’re an American citizen, this is a major catastrophe for the American country. So I’m asking you as an American patriot to give me a sense of who leaked it.”
And people got mad because I said Scaramucci Mane was bringing mob talk to the White House. Of course that’s what he’s doing! It works to his advantage. We all act this way when we are trying to act tough. I can tell you that I don’t use my work voice or my work language when I play basketball. There are different sets of rules there, and work cadence doesn’t apply. What I don’t do is bring my basketball voice and mannerisms into work; they’re two wives who should never meet.
Scaramucci Mane’s attempt to intimidate a reporter was rich and stupid at the same time. He’s the communications director for the highest office in the land, and he doesn’t have a clue as to what the hell he’s doing. I know that no one else in that office has a clue as to what they’re doing, but Scaramucci Mane’s job requires a depth of knowledge he should’ve had before he took the position.
Do I care? Fuckkk no, because he makes for great television. I was admittedly sad when learning that Sean “Spicy Facts” Spicer had resigned, but seeing Scaramucci Mane at work, well, let’s just say I’m feeling a little more upbeat.
Here’s more of Scaramucci Mane in action, according to Lizza’s piece:
“They’ll all be fired by me,” he said. “I fired one guy the other day. I have three to four people I’ll fire tomorrow. I’ll get to the person who leaked that to you. Reince Priebus—if you want to leak something—he’ll be asked to resign very shortly.” The issue, he said, was that he believed Priebus had been worried about the dinner because he hadn’t been invited. “Reince is a fucking paranoid schizophrenic, a paranoiac,” Scaramucci said. He channelled Priebus as he spoke: “ ‘Oh, Bill Shine is coming in. Let me leak the fucking thing and see if I can cock-block these people the way I cock-blocked Scaramucci for six months.’ ” (Priebus did not respond to a request for comment.)
And finally, arguably the best piece from the entire article:
Scaramucci also told me that, unlike other senior officials, he had no interest in media attention. “I’m not Steve Bannon, I’m not trying to suck my own cock,” he said, speaking of Trump’s chief strategist. “I’m not trying to build my own brand off the fucking strength of the President. I’m here to serve the country.” (Bannon declined to comment.)
Scaramucci in one phone call has become the new honey badger. You remember the honey badger, don’t you? See below:
And who is the honey badger? Well, the honey badger is the most fearless animal in the animal kingdom; it really doesn’t give a shit.
Welcome, Scaramucci Mane. You’re going to fit in nicely around here.