So the NBA bubble thing is weird. And the social justice messaging on the jerseys is dumb. So dumb. SO DUMB. But I am also weird and dumb, and I am fascinated by the uncanny valley of the NBAโs reboot. The crowds are computer-generated avatars! Some people in the gyms are wearing masks and some arenโt, which seems not productive at all! Joe Ingles has โAllyโ on his jersey. This is strange as fuck, and I love it!
Suggested Reading
But letโs forget about that right now. Instead letโs talk about brunch! I miss it so much. And no, I donโt give many shits about brunch culture, which is different than brunch. Brunch culture is business cards with too many titles. Itโs waiting in a line only because you assume the place must be lit if thereโs a line. Itโs bottomless. Itโs bigen. Itโs D.C. niggas, basically.
No, Iโm a brunch purist. I like to wear nice clothes to brunch too, but for me brunch is about the food. I donโt give a shit whoโs there. I donโt even give a shit about whoโs with me. Iโll brunch all by myself. I treat brunch like how female protagonists in Tyler Perry movies treat life. I DONโT NEED NO MAN WITH ME...UNLESS HEโS A GOD-FEARING, LIGHT-SKINNED MECHANIC! Just point me to the waffle station, the omelette station, and the niggas who cut meat and shit station, and Iโm good.
Which is why I need to hit whichever brunch spot LeBron James was headed to last night. How do I know he went to brunch somewhere? Because this is the optimal brunch-fit. Fashionable, but breezy and comfortable enough to stuff your stomach with beignets. It is also the walk of someone who just got a text telling him his table is ready. He looks both urgent and UNBOTHERED. And also maybe hungry!
Plus, last summer was the first time I was confident enough to wear above-the-knee shorts in public. And now thereโs nowhere to wear above-the-knee shorts anymore! Iโm not going to bare my thigh meat in Giant Eagle.
Anyway, I miss brunch food. I miss brunch-fits. I miss post-brunch naps. I need brunch back!
Straight From
Sign up for our free daily newsletter.