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I Just Want to Hit the Brunch LeBron James Apparently Went to Last Night

So the NBA bubble thing is weird. And the social justice messaging on the jerseys is dumb. So dumb. SO DUMB. But I am also weird and dumb, and I am fascinated by the uncanny valley of the NBAโ€™s reboot. The crowds are computer-generated avatars! Some people in the gyms are wearing masks and some…

So the NBA bubble thing is weird. And the social justice messaging on the jerseys is dumb. So dumb. SO DUMB. But I am also weird and dumb, and I am fascinated by the uncanny valley of the NBAโ€™s reboot. The crowds are computer-generated avatars! Some people in the gyms are wearing masks and some arenโ€™t, which seems not productive at all! Joe Ingles has โ€œAllyโ€ on his jersey. This is strange as fuck, and I love it!

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Trump’s Tariffs Might Stick Around. What Should We Buy Now?
Trump’s Tariffs Might Stick Around. What Should We Buy Now?

But letโ€™s forget about that right now. Instead letโ€™s talk about brunch! I miss it so much. And no, I donโ€™t give many shits about brunch culture, which is different than brunch. Brunch culture is business cards with too many titles. Itโ€™s waiting in a line only because you assume the place must be lit if thereโ€™s a line. Itโ€™s bottomless. Itโ€™s bigen. Itโ€™s D.C. niggas, basically.

No, Iโ€™m a brunch purist. I like to wear nice clothes to brunch too, but for me brunch is about the food. I donโ€™t give a shit whoโ€™s there. I donโ€™t even give a shit about whoโ€™s with me. Iโ€™ll brunch all by myself. I treat brunch like how female protagonists in Tyler Perry movies treat life. I DONโ€™T NEED NO MAN WITH ME...UNLESS HEโ€™S A GOD-FEARING, LIGHT-SKINNED MECHANIC! Just point me to the waffle station, the omelette station, and the niggas who cut meat and shit station, and Iโ€™m good.

Which is why I need to hit whichever brunch spot LeBron James was headed to last night. How do I know he went to brunch somewhere? Because this is the optimal brunch-fit. Fashionable, but breezy and comfortable enough to stuff your stomach with beignets. It is also the walk of someone who just got a text telling him his table is ready. He looks both urgent and UNBOTHERED. And also maybe hungry!

https://twitter.com/ESPNNBA/status/1288976129492234240?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Plus, last summer was the first time I was confident enough to wear above-the-knee shorts in public. And now thereโ€™s nowhere to wear above-the-knee shorts anymore! Iโ€™m not going to bare my thigh meat in Giant Eagle.

a very confident me doing a thing last summer

Anyway, I miss brunch food. I miss brunch-fits. I miss post-brunch naps. I need brunch back!

Straight From The Root

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