Human Poop Emoji Donald Trump Jr. Killed an Endangered Sheep Because He’s an Asshole

Photo: Joe Raedle (Getty Images)

When the poop emoji wanted to move through the world without being detected, it needed a human host. The human host had to have very little brain activity, with little to no spine and who cheated on his wife with a member of Danity Kane. It needed to be someone who no one would notice if their body was inhabited by smiling poop.

Enter: Donald Trump Jr.

During an August excursion in a remote region of western Mongolia, the human poop emoji used a laser sight rifle to kill an endangered and unsuspecting argali, the largest living species of sheep. Poop Jr. reportedly asked hunting guides not to dismember the animal but instead wanted to keep its fur and horns intact, most likely for asshole photos to be taken later for the ‘gram, the Washington Post reports.

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According to a report in ProPublica the Trump son who doesn’t look like a vampire bit a jar of mayonnaise received special treatment and didn’t get his Mongolian hunting permit until after he broke into the sheep’s living space and shot him dead. The Post notes that the hunting trip occurred “just weeks after U.S. and Mongolian officials met at the White House. The Trump administration has sought to strengthen ties with Mongolia, a longtime defense partner that lies between China and Russia, to prepare for Beijing’s growing global influence.”

The Post notes that no one in Mongolia gets a hunting permit to chase down a sheep in its front yard without political connections and money.

From the Post:

The government authorized 86 permits to be issued in this year’s hunting season, which runs from July 1 to Sept. 30, ProPublica reported.

Trump Jr. also met privately with the Mongolian president, Khaltmaagiin Battulga, during the trip he took with his son, according to ProPublica. Andy Surabian, a spokesman for Trump Jr., did not answer a question about what the pair discussed.

Surabian said in a statement that Trump Jr. bought the trip to Mongolia at a National Rifle Association auction in 2015, before his father announced his candidacy for president. Trump Jr. used his own money to pay for the trip, flew commercial and got the required permits through a third-party outfitter, Surabian said. He said neither U.S. nor Mongolian officials helped to organize Trump Jr.’s trip.

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Trump Jr. and his brother, Eric Trump—the one that looks like an aardvark had sex with a Raisinet—like to kill animals and have been on several hunting excursions together. Since Trump stole the office of the president, several photos have shown Trump Jr. and the other son who looks like a flattened soccer ball was somehow impregnated by a belch “posing with an elephant, a buffalo and a leopard that they had killed on a safari,” the Post reports.

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About the author

Stephen A. Crockett Jr.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.