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But the betrothal didn’t end there, since, as Malcolm says, “Matt can’t leave well enough alone and decided to rope my staff into a scheme to counter-propose and make me cry in public.”

“Back in February 2021, I surprised him with the help of a good friend who pretended we were just going on dog dates,” Matt explains. “On our walk back, I sprung it on him and ‘counter-proposed’ with a ring made of the same precious stone and designed by the same amazing Philly jeweler Henri David.”

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“It was devious and beautiful, and I’m still incredibly happy about it. But I’ll also never forgive him,” Malcolm adds.

Image for article titled How We Do: Malcolm and Matt's Instagram-to-Engagement Story
Photo: Kristen Chalmers
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The two are hoping to marry within the year—though, as Malcolm notes, they have “very different ideas of what [their] wedding should be.” While Matt envisions a non-traditional party that’s “fashionable, foodie, [and] fun,” followed by a “verdant and tropical” honeymoon abroad, Malcolm would be more than happy with a “chill AF” ceremony. Like, super-chill.

“I mean, literally I could get married in our living room. And then, like, you know, binge-watch Netflix and we order in some fancy food,” he says. “I would invite no one except for my pastor and then I would probably ask her to leave after she finished marrying us.”

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If their ceremonial styles seem indicative of how distinctly different the couple’s personalities are, it’s a study in contrasts they readily celebrate.

“We’ve learned that we do not have to become the same person to be in love...that’s a myth,” says Matt, who tellingly describes himself as Malcolm’s “other 100%” in his Twitter profile. “It is a union of two people, not a fusion into one. Love is also about allowing each other to change and evolve, especially when you’re young. I’ve learned that, despite my seriousness and studiousness, I’m actually more eccentric than [Malcolm] is. We always look like we’re going to two different places—I’m all glimmered out and he’s giving normcore or business casual. Rather than trying to make him dress like me, I do my thing. He does his.”

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“I would say to folks, throw out the rulebook,” Malcolm adds. “So many of us learn a lot of what we know about love from Disney movies. And that is not most people’s life...I think we all have this idea in our head of what our partner will be or who our kids will be or what that job is. People get frustrated as opposed to counting themselves incredibly blessed and end up missing the beauty of something that was completely unexpected.”

The couple says communication, including learning each other’s love languages, is at the core of their compatibility. “Like, we literally talk about everything,” says Malcolm.

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“Your ability to effectively communicate with one another—and we do—is crucial,” he continues. “You know, I often say—and I mean this seriously: I’ve had better fights with Matt than I’ve had dates with people. I think we fight very well...We fight well because you will fight.”

“We never let disagreements turn into excuses to destroy each other’s characters,” Matt adds. “We always tell friends who want to be in a relationship: ‘It’s not about how you [get along]. It’s about how you fight.’ If you can learn to absorb each other’s points of view and keep the respect, you’ll never get too low.”

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As Malcolm notes, it’s about seeing the big picture—as well appreciating the nuances of partnership.

“Matt thinks about things very deeply. I think he has a way of really getting to the heart of something and understanding things on a maybe near-microscopic level,” he says. “[I love] the way he sort of engages the level of detail that he puts into everything he does. It really is beautiful to watch.

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“I would just say that love is so precious; so precious. And having somebody who you can wake up every day with and want to see is a real gift,” Malcolm continues. “You know, Matt and I got through Trump and COVID together. We got through the death of my mother, the loss of three of his grandparents. Now we’ve gotten through all of that together, and he’s still the first person I want to see in the morning.”

You can read prior installments of “How We Do” here and here.