In 1961, James Baldwin famously said, “To be a negro in this country and to be relatively conscious is to be in a state of rage almost all of the time.”
In that moment, Baldwin was every Black person in America who has had the experience of standing out and being thought less of because some white person or non-Black person of color saw reason to suspect them of criminal behavior. Racial profiling, especially when it occurs repeatedly, is a major contributor to Black rage.
That being said…
NIIIIGGGAAA, I WISH THE FUCK THAT KAREN OF KKKOLOR WOULD HAVE FOLLOWED MY BLACK ASS AROUND WALMART TALKIN’ BOUT I STOLE HER KID’S JANKY-ASS PHONE!
Shit, let me back up for those who aren’t familiar with the incident.
Complex reports that last Monday in Moreno Valley, Calif., Black man Ya’shear Bryant had the unfortunate experience of being in the wrong Walmart aisle at the wrong time when a very persistent and wrong Karen realized her son had misplaced his phone. Bryant said he overheard the two discussing the phone and that there were around nine other people in the aisle—but he was the only Black man.
So, according to Bryant, he was the only person approached about the phone because this woman apparently thought he was the petty thief version of Lupin and is able to just steal unnoticed even though he’s the only tall-ass negro around. After he explained to her he didn’t have the phone, he said she refused to believe him and proceeded to follow him around Walmart and even to the parking lot as she repeatedly demanded he give her the phone he didn’t have.
In the video, he can be heard telling the woman he had already shown her what was in his pockets and that the only phone he had was his own.
See, this is why I’m no good in situations like these. Three things I know about myself is I’m shy, I’m rhythmically challenged for a Black person and I’M NOT EMPTYING OUT MY MOTHERFUCKING POCKETS FOR NO-MOTHERFUCKING-BODY WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE LEGAL AUTHORITY TO MAKE ME DO SO—ESPECIALLY NOT FUCKING MIYA PONSETTO’S UNDERSTUDY!
Sorry, there goes that Baldwin rage again.
By the way, do y’all remember Miya Ponsetto? Because this story is eerily similar to that story, minus a Black teenager being tackled to the ground because some ditsy Karen who left her phone in an Uber suspected the first negro in her line of sight of being a thief.
And where did the son of Phoneless Phiona 2.0 find his missing phone this time?
IN THE MOTHERFUCKING CAR!!!
In the video, you can see the stunned look of wrong-as-fuck-ness all over the woman’s face as she watches her son walk towards her holding his phone.
“Her son found it in the car,” Bryant is heard saying as she is seen scolding her child like he’s the one who went full Paul Bart: Mall Cop over a phone that nobody stole. “Now I’m gonna press charges. May I have your name ma’am, please?”
So, obviously, after this woman realized how embarrassingly wrong she’d been the entire time, she finally humbled herself, checked her flagrant sense of entitlement and apologized profusely to the man she falsely accused and harassed. The two hugged it out and the whole thing became a beautiful and productive teachable moment.
Nah, I’m bullshittin’—Bryant asked Hagatha Harass-a-bruh her name and she told him “no” and “go fuck yourself.”
Brian said he plans to file a police report against the woman, and in the video, he can be heard telling her he saw the car her son went to and he has her license plate. Just after he said that, a Walmart employee casually said to him, “Sorry about that,” just before the video cut off.
People on Twitter noted that the woman is seen wearing a Kaiser Permanente shirt in the video. According to Complex, Kaiser responded to the video saying, “Thank you for sharing this. This video has been brought to our attention and we are actively investigating it. The conduct in this video does not in any way reflect the views or beliefs of Kaiser Permanente.”
So basically, Karen was wrong, Baldwin was 1,000 times right and OH MY FUCKING GOD, I WANT TO PUNCH SOMETHING AFTER WRITING THIS UP!
Whew—OK, I’m fine now.