Here’s Everything You Need to Know About the Electoral College Certification in Congress Today

Supporters of President Donald Trump pray outside the U.S. Capitol January 06, 2021 in Washington, DC.
Supporters of President Donald Trump pray outside the U.S. Capitol January 06, 2021 in Washington, DC.
Photo: Win McNamee (Getty Images)

The first thing to know about Wednesday’s Electoral College certification in Congress is that they do a rack of shit with our votes that I never knew happened because before Trump everyone else accepted defeat. Leave it to a failed real estate tycoon to become America’s first presidential squatter forcing us to learn all this shit that we really don’t care about.

So apparently, it works like this: America votes, and then our votes go to college, presumably on grants because we don’t have any money to pay for votes that didn’t do well enough in high school to earn a scholarship. Then the college votes are ceremonially verified by Congress.

So, what’s different now?

Well, a Chad was voted into office and he’s refusing to go quietly into the night. He’s been claiming all kinds of “Let me see your son’s iPhone” type shit because he’s convinced that the election results he wanted were stolen when, in fact, he left them in the back of an Uber. Because he can’t accept defeat, the president has made all of this, these ceremonial proceedings into really bad Real White Housewives political theater.

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What can we expect?

So this is the thing, “verifying the vote count is constitutionally required, but it has become largely procedural — electors officially cast their votes on Dec. 14, and Joe Biden defeated President Donald Trump by 306-232, a result Trump referred to as a “landslide” when he won with the same numbers in 2016. Unlike Trump then, Biden also won the popular vote, garnering 7 million more votes than Trump.”

Be on the lookout for a bunch of hanging Chads to grandstand during the ceremony and object in a last-ditch effort to try and steal the election. It won’t work and their objections are only to appeal to the narcissistic outgoing president.

Where is Eric Trump in all of this?

Glad you asked. Eric Trump took a break from biting the heads off of unsuspecting birds long enough to threaten every Republican lawmaker who does not object to the Electoral College results Wednesday.

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I will personally work to defeat every single Republican Senator/Congressman who doesn’t stand up against this fraud - they will be primaried in their next election and they will lose,” Trump tweeted on Tuesday.

Before you get upset and wonder how can the president’s son make such an outlandish statement that appears to have gone unchecked, let me remind you that this is Eric Trump, the least liked of the Trump brood and the one who was voted “most likely to never do anything of significance” in Pre-K.

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When does all of this go down?

The Congressional shitshow starts Wednesday at 1 p.m. SAT.

Wait, what is SAT?

That is the new abbreviation for Eastern Time, which will henceforth be known as Stacey Abrams Time because she owns everything on the right side of the map.

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Will Mike Pence be there?

Who gives a shit. I mean, even if he is there, is he really there? I can tell you that Mike Pence’s wife will not be there if he’s not there because they do everything together, including wearing matching sweatsuits when they go to the mall.

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So then this is all bullshit?

Well, yes and no, but I’ll let NBC News explain it:

If there’s a recognized objection to a state’s vote, the vote counting is halted while both chambers go their separate ways and have up to two hours of debate on it. They then vote on whether to sustain the objection and dismiss the state’s votes.

For a state’s vote to be dismissed — something that hasn’t happened since the Electoral Count Act was passed over 130 years ago — majorities of both houses have to vote to sustain the objection. If one chamber votes to toss the state’s votes and the other doesn’t, the objection is dismissed.

After the objection is voted on, the joint congressional session reconvenes and continues with the count. If there’s another formal objection to a different state’s vote, the process is repeated.

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This sounds serious.

It’s not. Dems have control of the House and they will object to all of this foolishness. There has been no proof that this election has been tampered with but Chads are gonna Chad.

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So what can we expect?

A bunch of loud, rabble-rousing, from a bunch of white men who are using this moment to push a political agenda. We can also expect Maine Sen. Susan Collins (R) to be concerned. Most notably though, we can expect Joe Biden to be sworn in on Jan. 20.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

straightoutofpangaea
The Thugnificent Pangaean

I strongly recommend each and every the Root commenter read the Raw Story article on the VP’s Senate powers and the Senate Majority leader’s powers.

It is eye opening how much power the VP actually hasL

Kamala Harris is about to become the most powerful vice president in nearly a century