Has Anyone Ever Gone From Sugar To Shit Quicker Than Robin Thicke?

Jason Merritt/Getty Images
Jason Merritt/Getty Images

Almost two years ago to the day (March 26th, 2013), "Blurred Lines" — the lead single from Robin Thicke's new album (also called Blurred Lines) — was released. To call that song ubiquitous would be an understatement. Because ubiquitous is naturally hyperbolic. But "Blurred Lines" was literally everywhere. Barbershops, bank lobbies, Bar Mitzvahs. Shit, there was a three-month stretch from April to June of that year where my dick would look at me and say "Hey, Hey, Hey" every time I took a piss. Unless Jesus himself returns and decides to release a cover of "Umbrella", there will never be a song bigger than "Blurred Lines" was in 2013.


He was also married to Paula freakin Patton, which, when you consider his success, is the real-world equivalent to someone winning the lottery, using their winnings to buy another lottery ticket, and winning again.

Today is March 11th, 2015.

Yesterday, Thicke and Pharrell Williams were ordered to pay the family of Marvin Gaye $7.4 million dollars; a judgement a jury made after deciding that "Blurred Lines" copied Gaye's "Got to Give It Up."

This comes a few months after his divorce from Paula Patton was made final. Which came several months after their highly-publicized separation. A separation that seemed to be the result of Thicke's highly-publicized philandering. Which being a highly-publicized twerk prop for Miley Cyrus at the 2013 VMAs surely didn't help.

Which all led to Thicke releasing Paula, which sold like 117 copies — 100 of which were surely bought by Thicke himself and FedExed to Patton's doorstep — and holds the distinction of being the worst major-label record ever released. Well, maybe not the worst. But the most embarrassing.

In less than two years, Thicke went from a man who happened to be the hottest man in R&B, happened to have the hottest song in the world, and happened to be married to the hottest young actress in Hollywood, to "milk was a bad choice."

There have been other sudden falls from grace. Lance Armstrong. Tiger Woods. The one guy in that one DirectTV commercial. But nothing as quick as what happened — and is still happening — with Thicke. It's often joked that people with unexpected and outrageous success brokered some type of deal with the devil. What's happening with Thicke is what happens when you renege.


Of course, he's still a rich and famous White man, which, all things considered, isn't the worst thing in the world to be. He also has ample time to make a comeback. If the Dipset can do it, anyone can.

Damon Young is the editor-in-chief of VSB, a contributing opinion writer for The New York Times, and the author of What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Blacker (Ecco/HarperCollins)



I can finally rent a car without incident! Happy Earth Day to me!