Georgia Governor Brian Kemp is a thief.
He stole his first name from a famous crooner whose surname is McKnight and his last name from a promiscuous former NBA dunker.
He stole his style from Ward Cleaver and his haircut from Colonel Sanders (not the Latinx version. Man, I want so much more for Mario Lopez.)
He stole the governorship from Stacey Abrams.
So I totally understand President Trump’s annoyance when he rages out at Kemp for not being willing to steal some shit for him.
The president is pissed that Kemp won’t get back to his first love, which is stealing shit. And for some reason, Kemp is not relenting, which is weird because Kemp is what happens when a soggy burlap sack has sex with a weasel after listening to John Mayer’s Paradise Valley on repeat.
Trump lost Georgia by a solid 12,00 votes and he’s furious at Kemp for not questioning the election’s integrity. And Kemp apparently is acting like he’s gotten a new wig from Walmart and a new pair of Juicy pajama pants and he can’t be bothered, because glow up. He’s reportedly posted new Facebook statuses, including, “I thought a lame duck said something?” and “Bitches think they the bomb. Then blow up, bitch.”
The president has reportedly texted Kemp some 468 consecutive times and all of them have been left on read.
I personally am sad to hear that Trump’s staff won’t be among the first to receive the first COVID-19 vaccines as I was perfectly fine with them being the test group.
I mean, who are we kidding? How many Black folks are lining up to take the first batch of these vaccines under this president? And this isn’t anti-vaxxer conspiracy bullshit, just historically, we don’t have a good track record with white people and needles. It’s not personal; it’s just that we don’t think macaroni-and-cheese should be infused with raisins and cat hair.
I guess the Trump administration had a change of heart and decided that top officials in the three branches of government won’t be the first to receive a coronavirus vaccine.
Top officials would be inoculated against the virus in the initial rollout of the vaccine to ensure the health of essential employees, National Security Council spokesman John Ullyot said in a Sunday evening statement, citing the 2016 National Continuity Policy, a directive that “calls for providing [executive branch leadership] personnel with the appropriate resources to perform their prescribed continuity roles and responsibilities.”
“Senior officials across all three branches of government will receive vaccinations pursuant to continuity of government protocols established in executive policy,” he said.
The news comes as the first shipments of the vaccine, set to arrive at 145 sites across the country on Monday, are expected to go to front-line medical workers and nursing home residents.
Call me when the fifth version of this vaccine rolls out. Until then, I’m sleep.