He closed his phone and held it tight to his chest where his heart would be if he were alive and then ran giddily like a schoolgirl back to the lockbox to put his phone away and floated back to his sleeping coffin knowing that morning would be here soon.


The Oval Office would be abuzz Monday morning with the president’s son-in-law, Jared Kushner, and other aides all trying to figure out who was in control of the president’s phone, and why it wasn’t inside Lindsey Graham’s butt where it should’ve been? For days, the aides had been ignoring the president’s lockbox, believing that he might have the code and instead, began placing it in the sleeping senator’s butt.

Needless to say, the damage had been done. The president’s tweet didn’t endear himself to voters; it didn’t earn him love from the other side. In fact, he’d just lied again, and Twitter couldn’t move fast enough to slap a disclaimer on his tweet, noting that this “bullshit is false.”


Did the president’s tweet cause a stir on the side of the living? Of course it did. It bothered the living, also known as voters for Joe Biden, so much that “No you didn’t!” was trending through the night.

Kushner and the aides decided that it would be best if they didn’t tell the president the truth since that is what they’ve been doing the entirety of his presidency. It was part of the reason that the president, much like his chances of taking the 2020 election, still believed that he had hope and hope that the unwell might be all they need to keep them going.



What Donald Trump’s Loss Means for His Taxes


According to Politico, Trump’s loss is going to make it harder for him to keep shielding his tax returns, and once President-elect Biden takes control over the Treasury Department, “his administration could simply hand over the long-sought records to its allies in Congress, who have been fighting in court to force Trump to turn them over, so far unsuccessfully.”



I thought a broke, lame-duck president said something?

But Politico believes that going after Trump’s taxes would be petty and that Biden has touted himself as a unifier in chief. I swear fo’ god if Biden doesn’t get this orange walrus’ tax returns after all the bullshit he put America through, then he shouldn’t be in office.


We aren’t the same America, Joe.

We want the petty!

Bring on the petty!

Oh, yeah. About That Lawsuit…

So Trump’s legal team, which includes Rudy Giuliani and therefore shouldn’t have the word “legal” anywhere near it, has been filing lawsuits and watching them get thrown in the trash, mostly because it’s fun and because there aren’t legally sound arguments based in fact. And because the president is a whiny ho who can’t handle losing. He’s a fucking loser, and you know what he hates? Being a fucking loser. But he is and has been the majority of his entire life.


So a lawsuit was filed in Pennsylvania claiming that “election officials violated the Trump campaign’s constitutional rights by limiting the ability of their observers to watch votes being counted,” according to the Washington Post.

Now his legal team has removed that part and is instead claiming that “Republicans were illegally disadvantaged because some Democratic-leaning counties allowed voters to fix errors on their mail ballots,” the Post notes.


The reality is, even if this were true, it didn’t affect enough votes to change Pennsylvania’s election results.

The change in the lawsuit means, in short, that Trump lost Pennsylvania.