GTFOH Trump Watch: The End Is Near

Illustration for article titled GTFOH Trump Watch: The End Is Near
Photo: Brendan Smialowski (Getty Images)

Apparently, in between stealing whatever isn’t nailed down in the White House and helping Melania pack for a long stay with her boyfriend, Trump is planning on issuing 100 pardons, and as long as he pardons himself out of America’s house, I don’t give a fuck.


Oh, and he’s still looking at being impeached because the Senate reconvenes today but they are looking to begin the process of confirming President-elect Joe Biden’s cabinet nominees.

And the only name that matters in this pardoning spree is Lil Wayne. Yes, the rapper that is so dusty the housekeeper sprayed him with Pledge. The story goes like this: Lil Wayne sold his soul to the devil after being caught by police with a gun. He was looking at up to 10 years in prison when Trump was running for reelection and he needed some new Black faces that could sell his bullshit plan for Black America. Lil Wayne finds a sweater and flies up to the White House to do his best, “I’m totally not doing this for pardon” face. Well, one thing Trump didn’t know—I mean how could he?—was that Black America gave up on Lil Wayne long ago and anyone that was left in that camp bounced when he said he didn’t feel connected to the Black Lives Matter movement.


So, really, Trump is planning on releasing a bunch of rich degenerates before he leaves office because that sounds about right.

Trump’s live-in lady friend, Melania, released a message about something but I don’t speak “complicit” so I had trouble understanding most of it. And if you ever wondered whether or not Melania was in on all of this from the beginning, just know that she won’t be giving a tour to incoming first lady Jill Biden, which is totally fine since Dr. Biden has been there before. Is it a break from more than 150 years of tradition? Of course, it is. But, so was the great white insurrection of early January and no one gives a shit about that either.

Trump wanted a large military send off but the military was like, “Bitch, you should’ve thought of that before you riled all your followers up to run into the damn Capitol.” So since the military will be guarding buildings and making sure that nothing crazy goes down, they effectively told Trump to go fuck himself.

In fact, no one cares where the president and his trusty band of ass-kissers are headed just as long as they leave the White House.


Trump Kegger Planned on Same Day as Inauguration

So get this: Trump is so petty that he won’t attend Biden’s Inauguration and has planned his own send-off at Joint Andrews Air Force Base in Maryland because he’s a high school mean girl.


From the Guardian:

Invitations have been issued from the White House for an event taking place at Joint Base Andrews, the military base in Maryland used by Air Force One, at 8am on Wednesday – four hours before Biden will take his oath.

Many details of the ceremony are not yet clear, although attendees will have to make a pre-dawn start and have been told to arrive by 7.15am, when temperatures are forecast to be below freezing.


And this might be the most telling white trash portion of the whole ceremony invite: “Attendees may not bring items including firearms, ammunition, explosives, laser pointers or toy guns.”

I really can’t wait for this nightmare to be over.

Survey Says….

A survey has confirmed what any person with an ounce of color in their skin could’ve told you four years ago: President Trump was a horrible president and he will leave office with the worst approval rating of his presidency. Fifty-four percent of those polled believe that Trump should be impeached.


From CNN:

Overall, 34% of Americans approve of the way Trump is handling the presidency, down from 42% in a pre-election poll and one point below his previous low point in CNN’s polling. Among his own partisans, Trump’s approval rating has dropped 14 points since October but remains largely positive with 80% approving. It has held steady in the low single digits among Democrats (3% pre-election, 2% now).

Just over a third of Americans (36%) call the January 6 attack on the US Capitol a crisis for American democracy, and another 39% call it a major problem. Views on the significance of the attack are split by party, with most Democrats calling it a crisis (54%), and few Republicans in agreement (20%).


But anyone that owns a silk durag or satin cap could’ve told you this.

It’s Official!

If your week hasn’t gotten off to the best start, just remember this:



Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.



My only concern about the pardons is that I’m afraid he’ll pardon a bunch of insurrectionists. That’s why I haven’t been all “Why isn’t person X in jail?!” I’ve been perfectly happy to slow walk arrests until after Trump can no longer pardon people. I’m positive that he’s going to pardon that crazy realtor.

But I can’t believe we finally made it to the end of the Trump Administration. Now if we can just make it through tomorrow without another terrorist attack.