GTFOH Trump Watch: Look Straight Into the Camera and Pretend to Love America

Illustration for article titled GTFOH Trump Watch: Look Straight Into the Camera and Pretend to Love America
Photo: Jacquelyn Martin (AP)

After some 60 failed court attempts to overturn the election and a failed coup, the president of people who still believe that the election was rigged has finally acknowledged electoral defeat. It only took two months, Rudy Giuliani’s human dookie face to begin melting, a whole lot of shouting from the Trump brood and an insurrection by the white walkers for Trump to finally say the gig is up and, truthfully, it didn’t matter as he’s going to be evicted in a few weeks anyway.

In what can only be described as a hostage video, the president of people who sleep in Carhartt pajamas acknowledged that he will be giving up his squatter rights, claiming that it has been “the honor of my lifetime” to serve as president, the Hill reports.

It’s all bullshit. At this point, Trump is either trying to keep from going to prison for inciting a riot or trying to keep from going to prison. Just days before his forced footage was released, Trump was working his mayonnaise base into a frothy lather with cries of, “You’ll never take back our country with weakness. You have to show strength and you have to be strong. We have come to demand that Congress do the right thing and only count the electors who have been lawfully slated,” he said at a rally outside the Capitol on the same day that Congress was confirming the Electoral College results.

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“I know that everyone here will soon be marching over to the Capitol building to peacefully and patriotically, make your voices heard today,” he added.

It’s all bullshit. All of it. The president is conceding, if it can even be considered that, only after his pickup truck posse failed to seize the Capitol. At this point, I don’t care what he says or does just so long as he does it on his way out of the White House.

It’s Not Hard to Leave a Sinking Ship

Let me say this with all due respect: Fuck Betsy DeVos. And, Fuck Elaine Chao.

I don’t want anyone to think that my anger towards both women started after the failed coup as I’ve felt this way all their lives. Betsy DeVos was the education secretary who didn’t believe in public education and wouldn’t adhere to court rulings to stop charging people who went to bullshit for profit universities.

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I hope this doesn’t come across as sexist but Elaine Chao was the transportation secretary, which I’m sure she was fine at as I don’t know what the transportation secretary does exactly, but I know that she is married to soon-to-be-former Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, who refuses to get his under-neck circumcised, and for that reason alone, albeit quite an unsheathed reason, it’s fuck her, too.

Both women, who lasted damn near the entire length of Trump’s presidency, suddenly found the scene at the Capitol to be a bridge too far for their moral compass and resigned from their cabinet positions.

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They gets no love here. Fuck both of them.

Now someone might want to find the slave quarters and wake Ben Carson to let him know the White House is on fire.

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Has Anyone Seen Mike Pence’s Wife?

I don’t understand why anyone spends any time trying to appeal to Vice President Mike Pence when, clearly, his wife runs the show. Pence won’t even hold court with a female reporter because his wife isn’t going for that shit. So why would anyone in their right mind think that after four years of watching Pence robot dance his way around the White House, repeating a programmed series of nods and waves, suddenly grow the ovaries needed to invoke the 25th Amendment? Seriously, have we been watching the same White House?

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Pence is so chicken shit that he’s not answering Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer and Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s calls about invoking the fuck out of the 25th, but that could be that his wife was busy and wasn’t going to be able to listen to make sure that Pelosi wasn’t moving in on her robot.

Doesn’t matter since Pelosi and Lil Pelosi, aka Schumer, are looking to push a lightning quick impeachment vote to get the president’s ass out of there.

Senior Editor @ The Root, boxes outside my weight class, when they go low, you go lower.

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DISCUSSION

actualrootwyrm
Spamfeller Loves Nazi Clicks

Forget impeachment. We’re way past that.

And Biden’s out there already fucking making excuses for why his administration won’t prosecute a single one of these terrorists for this coup.