Since my beloved Orlando Magic have spent a vast majority of the past decade being complete trash, I spend a lot of time watching other NBA teams—as in actually good ones—compete on the basketball court. Unfortunately, one of my all-time NBA League Pass favorites, the Golden State Warriors, have been almost unbearable to watch as of late.
Yes, shooters shoot—be it in Jennifer Lopez’s DMs or otherwise—but with Steph Curry THIS close to breaking Ray Allen’s record for all-time three-pointers, his desperation to pad his already illustrious resume has taken chucking to another level.
Case in point, in his last three games, he’s shot a combined 14-46 from behind the arc. That’s a putrid 30 percent clip for those of us who can only count with our fingers, and not exactly becoming of his MVP pedigree. But aside from Steph looking like a toddler learning how his limbs work, the rest of his team hasn’t looked particularly great either as they’ve sacrificed their “one for all, and all for one” mantra in favor of “just give Steph the rock so he can break this damn record already.”
There’s been a lot of turnovers—the Babyfaced Assassin had seven alone Monday night against the Indiana Pacers—broken offensive sets with no rhythm, forced shots, and even Golden State’s wins are about as ugly as a Jussie Smollett lie detector test. Watching Monday’s face-off against the Pacers, it was like the Warriors flipped a coin before tip-off to decide if they were gonna chase the record or...you know...actually try to win the game.
“Let’s be honest, there’s a lot of hype around this record, and sometimes that gets everybody rushing, playing out of your skin a little bit,” Curry admitted after the Golden State escaped with a 102-100 win against the Pacers. “We had to remind ourselves how we create offense and how we play.”
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We’re well past the point in which this shit is getting completely ridiculous, and coach Steve Kerr sounds like he’s over it, too.
“I think he’s been trying a little bit too hard the last few games,” he said. “Trying to make threes and get to this record.”
Thankfully, this nightmarish hellscape is almost over, as Steph only needs two threes to break the record against the New York Knicks Tuesday night. And barring an untimely brain aneurysm or some other catastrophic disaster, it’s safe to assume he’ll do exactly that at Madison Square Garden—the same place where the three-time NBA champion made his official ascent into NBA immortality when he dropped 54 points on the Knicks back in 2013.
The fine folks at CBS Sports can explain that magically moment etched in basketball lore much better than I can:
The birth of Stephen Curry the superstar happened on Feb. 27, 2013. That night, inside of Madison Square Garden, in a nationally televised game, Curry, who at the time wasn’t even an All-Star and in fact was less than a year removed from the ankle surgery that we now know probably saved his career, went for 54 points in one of the most breathtaking shooting displays you’ll ever see.
All I ask is that Steph bang out those two threes post-haste within the first two minutes of the game, so the rest of us can get on with our lives. And if that requires the Knicks to leave him wide open while they check their stock portfolios or FaceTime with their kids, so be it. There is a greater good at play, and the fate of the universe depends on it.
Please and thanks in advance.