Education Secretary Betsy DeVos speaks at the Magnet Schools Of America Conference on February 15, 2017 in Washington, DC. DeVos addressed a recent protest at a public school she visited in Washington, DC last week following her controversial nomination to the post by President Donald Trump.
Photo: Mario Tama (Getty Images)

Education Secretary Betsy DeVos was reportedly holding a $40 million yacht hostage and some good samaritans set the yacht free.

Fine, DeVos owns the yacht the $40 million yacht and vandals reportedly untied it from a northern Ohio marina where is was docked and it drifted out to sea.

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First off, Betsy DeVos has a $40 million yacht but wants to cut student loan relief by $13 billion for folks who were defrauded by fake, for-profit schools. So fuck her and her yacht. May that yacht have the same fate as my hairline and never find its original home again.

The captain of DeVos’ $40 million, 163-foot yacht named “Seaquest” called the police early Sunday after crew noticed the boat floating away from its captors, The Toledo Blade reported.

If you did not vomit in your mouth at the egregious abundance of wealth then get this: Seaquest is just one of 10 boats owned by the DeVos family. A police report notes that Seaquest did suffer some damage after hitting a dock and will need $5,000 to $10,000 in cosmetic surgery, mostly lip fillers and butt enhancements.

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The Hill notes that it’s unclear why the “Michigan family’s boat was in northern Ohio,” but I would assume it was to get away from the failing Detroit schools that she’s yet to visit since that’s not baller.

The Hill also notes that the DeVos family amassed their wealth as Betsy husband is the former Amway CEO Dick DeVos (which, totally sounds like a porn name. Also who the fuck is still buying Amway in the year of our lord, Jeff Bezos?) Dick’s net worth is said to be somewhere around $1.3 billion.