RNC Chair Michael Steele’s antics are a lot easier to explain if you consider the possibility that he’s a double agent working for President Barack Obama—ponder this…
A few months back, CNN reported that Confederate President Jefferson Davis’ house slave, William Jackson, was an agent for the Union army. Davis spoke with his generals openly in Jackson’s presence—thinking of Jackson as a mere “piece of furniture.” Meanwhile, Jackson absorbed key military information, then escaped in 1861 and delivered what he knew to Union commanders.
Maybe Steele is Jackson’s heir apparent. The Republican National Committee should check him for a hidden earpiece because it sure sounds like he’s being fed sound bites by Rahm Emmanuel from an undisclosed location.
How else do you explain Steele’s now ritually strange behavior? Either he’s locked in a high-stakes battle of “wits” with Gov. Sarah Palin for the GOP Bud Light Real Men of Genius Award, or he’s secretly dismantling the Republican Party from the inside out.
Fresh off of a weekend when the Young Republican Federation elected Audra Shay as its chair, even as she battled charges over racist posts on her Facebook page, Steele, who kept a low profile on the Shay controversy, gave an interview during the YRF weekend in which he joked openly about deploying “fried chicken and potato salad” to bring black people into the Republican fold. He actually fell for “I’ll bring the collard greens!”:
Will there be peach cobbler, too, Mike? Why is he embracing his inner Fuzzy Zoeller?:
Watch the clip and you keep waiting for Steele to say that the GOP is just misunderstood, that they’re all really “one nation under a groove, gettin’ down just for the funk of it.” Steele is literally like a hungry shipwreck victim on an uncharted island who’s digging a pit and covering it up with palm leaves so he can lure black voters into a trap with soul food delicacies as bait. Sorry, Mike, this has already been done and it isn’t going to work:
It’s pretty clear that Republicans had no idea what they were getting into when they tapped Steele as party chair—which shows just how out far out of touch they are with people of color—if they wanted a family-friendly black dude to shake up their garden party, they would have been better off with Coach Fuller from Hang Time as their leader.
What if Steele was taken away at birth to a clandestine left-wing paramilitary camp and trained in secret as the perfect foil for the Barack Obama? With Steele’s almost too perfect porn star name, his porn star moustache, his uncomfortable chuckle, and his bottomless well of tasteless quips, maybe it’s worth exploring the possibility that he’s a double agent being bankrolled under the table by the Democratic National Committee.
The GOP tried its best to portray Obama as an unknown, risky milquetoast who was indoctrinated as a youth in neo-Marxist Indonesian madrassas and liked hanging out at Starbucks with Bill Ayers. Wouldn’t it be ironic if Republicans were being led by a progressive Manchurian candidate in the person (cyborg?) of Michael Steele?
He could be the “Steele” who sat by the door. Their first mistake was letting him in:
David Swerdlick is an associate editor at The Root. Follow him on Twitter.