'Don't Ever Talk to the President That Way': #DiaperDon Almost Soils Himself Going Off on a Reporter on Thanksgiving

Illustration for article titled 'Don't Ever Talk to the President That Way': #DiaperDon Almost Soils Himself Going Off on a Reporter on Thanksgiving
Photo: Andrew Caballero-Reynolds (Getty Images)

“Any man who must say ‘I am the king’ is no true king” - Tywin Lannister

You can tell y’all’s soon to be ex-president is going through some thangs. On Thanksgiving—while the rest of us were either enjoying the festivities or quarantining and wishing this damn year was over already—the septuagenarian-toddler-in-chief was losing his shit on a reporter who pushed back on his voter fraud claims, aka the lie that won’t stop lying.

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According to HuffPost, during a Thanksgiving news conference—in which Trump sat behind the same desk I did in the first gradeReuters White House correspondent Jeff Mason asked Donnie the Delusional if he will concede when the Electoral College officially votes for President-elect Joe Biden.

“Well if they do, they made a mistake, because this election was a fraud,” Trump responded before babbling about how Biden receiving more votes than Obama somehow proves fraud. (And here I was under the impression that Trump wasn’t a huge Obama fan. With all the shit he stays talking about his predecessor, let me find out Trump has been a Barack-the-vote stan this whole time.)

After Mason started to push back on Trump’s bullshit, the commander-in-White-House-eviction became a Joffrey Baratheon, Eric Cartman hybrid (I’m just realizing that both of these fictional characters are likely accurate depictions of Trump in his youth) and threw a whole temper tantrum.

“Don’t talk to me that way,” Trump scolded while giving us the worst Tiny Desk Concert ever. ″You’re just a lightweight. Don’t talk to me that way. I’m the president of the United States. Don’t ever talk to the president that way.

See, this is one of those moments where I realize I could never have been a journalist interviewing the president during the Trump administration. I would have been an entire asshole if I was Mason. I can see it now:

Trump: “Don’t talk to me that way. You’re just a lightweight.”

Me: “Bitch, what? What’s lightweight is that floppy-ass toupee you keep Gorilla Glued to your head so it won’t escape from yo’ uglass. What’s lightweight is the color scheme around your eyes compared to the rest of your tangerine-ass face. How your skin got fucked up edges? Why is your white skin and your orange skin in a Verzus battle right now? You wish you was lightweight. If you were, your hind parts wouldn’t take up the whole frame in your golfing photos.”

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Trump: “Don’t talk to me that way. I’m the president of the United States. Don’t ever talk to the president that way.”

Me: “Hoe, you ain’t president no more.”

Trump: “I am still president. I’m the most tremendous president in the history of tremendousness. I saw YUGE voter fraud with my own variegated-colored eyes. As long as I’m in office, you will not talk to me like...”

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Me: “Shiiiiiit, it’s January 20 somewhere!!” (It doesn’t have to be true, it just has to be funny.)

Anyway, predictably, the internet responded to Trump’s meltdown by being big meanies to the man-child-in-grief. And thus, the hashtags “Diaper Don” and “Tiny desk Trump” were born.

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To be fair, Trump has really tiny hands. The desk makes them look bigger.

I’m just going to leave this remix video here, because...LOL!!!!!

Zack Linly is a poet, performer, freelance writer, blogger and grown man lover of cartoons

DISCUSSION

74 years old, 3 wives, 5 kids, 10 grandkids and he still sittin’ at the kiddie table on Thanksgiving?