On Friday, congressional Democrats introduced a bill to rename forests, streams, lakes, mountain peaks and other landmarks in the country that include offensive language such as racial slurs for Black people, Mexicans and Native Americans. That’s right, good people: The totally non-white supremacist nation which is absolutely not founded on racism is somehow home to a plethora of landmarks that bear names white people would have to mumble under their breath while Black people stare at them with the Pulp Fiction, Samuel L. Jackson eyes saying, “‘What’ ain’t no mountain peak I ever heard of. Does it say ‘nigger’ on ‘What?’”
From Business Insider:
According to the statement from the lawmakers, questionable names have been identified for 1,441 federally recognized places.
More than 600 places have the word “n——,” a slur for Black people, in their name, according to a database from the US Geological Survey. In Oklahoma there is Dead N—— Spring, so-named because a deceased Black person was found there, according to the USGS.
In New Mexico, there is a reservoir called W——— Tank, named with a slur for Mexican people living in the US. Nearly 800 results are returned by the USGS database when searching for the term “s——,” an offensive word for Native American women.
I’m sorry, but I must object to this slander of our great nation.
I have it on good authority (and by “authority,” I mean, “Texas”) that America is so devoid of historical racism and oppression that it isn’t necessary for schools to teach about things like slavery, the civil rights movement, Cesar Chavez, the history of Native Americans or even the writings of Martin Luther King Jr.—because once you strip away all of the pesky Critical Race Theory nonsense from those stories, there’s really nothing left to tell except what awesome tea parties these historical figures would have up until the point when MLK busted out the cards for Spades and things got out of hand.
Certainly, this same racism-free nation couldn’t possibly, in the 21st century, still be a home to hundreds of lakes and rivers that carry names featuring racial slurs. For this to be true, America would need to have racism embedded in its very fabric. How could this land possibly have ever been a “shining city on the hill” if there’s at least a five percent chance that hill is named “Nigger Be Gone Hill?”
If this is true, then segregation didn’t end with Jim Crow, because while Oklahoma’s “Dead Nigger Spring” might not be legally segregated, I just can’t imagine there are many negro families who have it listed on their sight-seeing routes.
Anyway, the bill, which was introduced by Sen. Elizabeth Warren, Sen. Edward Markey, and Rep. Al Green, would establish an advisory board of civil rights experts and tribal organizations to review the landmarks that desperately need new monikers as well as request the public to submit proposals for new names. “The board would then make renaming recommendations to the proper government body, such as Congress in the case of federal land units,” Business Insider reports.
“We need to immediately stop honoring the ugly legacy of racism and bigotry, and that’s why I’m introducing the Reconciliation in Place Names Act with my colleagues,” Warren said in a statement.
All jokes aside, this bill could potentially put congressional Republicans in an awkward position. If they vote against it, they’re essentially saying, “Look, if I want to continue skiing down the slopes of Porch Monkey Mountain, then that’s just what I’m going to do!” If they vote in favor, they must acknowledge the existence of nearly 1500 landmarks with racist names in a country they keep trying to convince everyone is not built on a culture of racism.
Who knew the Republican war on honest American history could extend to the teaching of honest American geography?