Dear People: Wash Your Body Daily; Don’t Listen to These Doctors Telling You Otherwise

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Here’s a little fact about humans: We have a propensity to stink. Now, there are levels to the funk. Some people may take longer to build up a pungent smell. Others, hell, if they step out into the heat longer than 20 minutes, the odor will start to rise from the depths of their nether regions.


There’s one common cure to the funk that exists in all of us: showering and bathing.

But there are people out there, really smart people, trying to convince the world that we don’t necessarily need a shower. These people probably stink.

In a recent Time article, Dr. Elaine Larson, an infectious-disease expert and associate dean for research at Columbia University School of Nursing, who I’m going to assume is a smart person, is trying to tell the world that we only need two or three showers week.

“I think showering is mostly for aesthetic reasons,” says Larson.

Another doctor agreed with her.

“I think most people over-bathe,” says Dr. C. Brandon Mitchell, assistant professor of dermatology at George Washington University.

“Your body is naturally a well-oiled machine,” Mitchell says. “A daily shower isn’t necessary.”

I’m sorry.


Do not listen to Dr. Larson. Do not listen to Dr. Mitchell.

Now, I’m no doctor. I also don’t stink. You know why I don’t stink?

Because I shower every day.

People, summer is upon us. Do not listen to people like Dr. Larson.

Imagine if we lived in a world where everyone showered only two or three times a week. (If you live in France, stop reading … this is your reality.) Can you imagine the smell? Forget about global warming. I’m concerned about funk warming over and infiltrating my nostrocities (yes, I know that’s not a word).


I don’t know what people have against showers. What has a shower ever done to you besides make you “Zestfully clean”? If you don’t like frequent showers, we can’t be friends. You’re not allowed to sit in my car or on my couch or borrow any of my clothing.

I don’t want to breathe the same air if you’re in my line of vision and smell.

So a word to the wise: Shower, moisturize and repeat. Daily. Also, deodorant (natural or otherwise) is your friend. You’ll feel better in the long run, and people won’t run away when you approach them. Do not listen to anti-showering propaganda.