Whenever the word “wypipo” surfaces on the internet, there comes the inevitable Caucasian clapback that accuses the user of racism. Sometimes the accusers will even go so far as to inject the conversation with the fictional term that accompanies all white tears and brow furrowing: “reverse racism.”
While the word is somewhat divisive, it is often misunderstood because it is difficult to explain that “wypipo” is not a synonym for white people and is not intended to describe all people of no color.
Luckily, a grizzled hero has risen to solve this problem and give clarity to all who misunderstand the meaning of “wypipo.” A savior has emerged to present himself as a living sacrifice so that we, through him, may have peace and understanding. One man has so unapologetically held on to an obvious lie that he has become a living metaphor to define what this word means. When the term is codified in the Oxford Dictionary, we can only hope the definition will include his picture.
Curt Schilling is wypipo.
When Boston Red Sox fans threw peanuts at Baltimore Orioles outfielder Adam Jones on May 1, officials at Boston’s Fenway Park took immediate action. They vowed to remove any future fan who is disruptive or offensive from their ballpark. They banned the offender. Major League Baseball issued a statement.
But former pitching superstar Curt Schilling doesn’t believe it happened because Curt Schilling is wypipo.
Immediately after the incident, Schilling went on his Breitbart radio (home of “easy listening white nationalism”) show and said, according to the Washington Post, “I don’t believe the story, given the world we live in. I don’t believe it, for this reason: Everybody is starving and hungry to sit in front of a camera and talk and be social-justice warriors. And if a fan yelled loud enough in center field for Adam Jones to hear the n-word, I guarantee you we would’ve heard and seen fans around on CNN, on MSNBC. They would’ve found multiple fans to talk about what a racist piece of junk Boston is.
“We’re gonna hear from somebody in the section that saw [Jones] called a racist [word],” He added. “If not, he’s lying. And I say he’s lying. If he isn’t, I will apologize. I will absolutely apologize on the air, and I will be sincere about it if it happens.”
On Tuesday, Jones gave a wide-ranging interview with Yahoo! Sports about race and racism in baseball. In it, he addressed Schilling’s calling him a liar: “Schilling is over there with his rants. He just wants an outlet. Somebody will take his call, take his rants. He can keep them for himself. Because he’s never experienced anything like I have,” Jones said, adding, “Schilling, hell of a career. But he’s never been black, and he’s never played the outfield in Boston.”
Of course, Schilling responded immediately, because wypipo didn’t ascend to the top of America’s social hierarchy by letting shit slide.
“If he wants to maintain the lie he made here, that’s fine. No one denies racism exists, but when people like him lie about an incident and others just take him at his word, it perpetuates a mythical level of racism,” Schilling texted to WEEI.com. He went on:
And for some reason, it appears blacks believe only blacks can talk about racism and only whites can be racists. I promise you if some scumbag yelled the N-word at Adam Jones in Fenway, it would have been on Twitter, Facebook and every other social media site asap, like every other “incident.” Not to mention the liberal Boston media would have broken its neck to identify the racist. But just taking him at his word means there are a bunch of white cowards and racists living here, because no one stood up to the guy. Adam has an agenda and one needs to only look at his past commentary on race and racism to see it. But see, when you question fake hate crimes in this day and age it somehow makes you a racist. If you use this use every word or none at all.
Apparently Schilling either keeps a copy of the Unabridged Wypipo Manual close by, or he has the e-book version on his phone, because his response is textbook wypipo.
Schilling obstinately refuses to accept the possibility that someone called Jones the n-word because the first rule of wypipo protocol is the indignant rejection of truth. It is easy to ignore racism if you don’t believe it exists.
To be fair, aside from the statements of a fan who was sitting in the ballpark near the man who hurled the racial epithet, one of the most respected journalists in sportswriting, a high school student who sat behind the person who threw the peanuts, park employees, the other players on the field and video evidence, there is little proof that any of this happened.
That’s what wypipo do. You can show them the video of how gingerly and respectfully cops treated the white guy walking down a crowded street carrying an AK-47, versus the 0.36 seconds it took them to shoot John Crawford III in that Ohio Wal-Mart, and they’ll still deny privilege, police brutality or racism. Their imperviousness to facts is how they can believe the Confederate flag is not racist, and why Schilling can post something like this to Facebook:
They are willing to believe gerrymandered statistics about black-on-black crime, but not the numbers that show how disproportionately African Americans are arrested, sentenced or killed by police. Schilling accepts the plausibility that white people are persecuted, but not that anyone would yell the n-word from the anonymity of ballpark seats, nestled among thousands, while Jones has his back turned.
Schilling ends his rant with the third-most-popular wypipo move of all time. His “Oh, so somehow I’m the racist for speaking my mind” sentiment ranks only behind “I grew up around black people” and “I don’t see color” on the Billboard Top 100 Wypipo Tactics charts. Because at the core of it all, the difference between white people and wypipo is that white people understand they are privileged, while wypipo live with the unwavering belief that they are martyrs.
This is why we should honor Curt Schilling as a new-millennium messiah. He is the flesh-and-blood embodiment of the term, who came so that we may have hate and have it more abundantly. From here on, there can be no confusion about the meaning of the word, thanks to wypipo Jesus.
So whenever you use the term, do it in remembrance of him, the wypipo lord and white savior. Let’s end this sermon by turning our Bibles to the book of Curt 10:10.
For Curt Schilling so loved the n-word that he gave to us his stupidly ignorant hate so that whosoever believe in wypipo shall not perish but have everlasting life.